Whales and American Horror Story

Yesterday I took my little brother's girlfriend to the museum to see the whale exhibit. Whales are her favorite and dolphins are mine so it was a lot of fun! We also hunted down all of the gnomes hidden down in the displays throughout the museum. We had so much fun and I just love that she is a part of our lives!

To add to yesterday's fun, Scott and I watched American Horror Story: Freak Show last night. After a bit of a slow start it began to pick up this episode. I thought this season would be scary but it hasn't been too scary yet. I think with *Spoiler! Don't read further if you want to be surprised with the show!* Dandy being the newest (and now only) clown killer it should get more interesting. He is way more demented than Twisty was! Thanks to last weeks episode of AHS I have been obsessed with Lana Del Rey! I am definitely looking forward to next week's episode!

I hope everyone has a fun Halloween tomorrow! Stay safe and be scary!

Seriously Jessica Lange is my hero!

28 October 2014

The Re-Written Gatsby

George was devastated and fuming. Gatsby killed his Myrtle and he had a feeling that Gatsby was also the one sleeping with his wife. He was the one who gave her those pearls, the one who made her want more than George could give her. He had to kill Gatsby for killing his Myrtle. He drove to the enormous mansion in West Egg. He heard Gatsby talking to someone. He waited until Gatsby was alone and walked towards the back. Gatsby was just jumping into the pool when George walked up.

“You son of a bitch,” he whispered under his breath as he lifted the gun up to shot Gatsby as he rose out the opposite side of the pool.

“NO!” screamed a voice behind George. He turned around in surprise and a shot rang out. A silence filled the air after the cracking echo of the shot flitted away. George looked at his bloody hand as a tear fell from his eye. He dropped to his knees and dropped the gun he brought to end Gatsby.

“Daisy!” shouted Gatsby as he ran to his love, “You do love me,” he shook as he grabbed her close to him in a wet embrace.

“Oh Jay, I couldn't go back. Tom told me everything. He told me about all the girls. The one who calls every night Jay, she is the one I killed. He was so angry but he swore he was changed. He swore he would stay faithful. The only one who has stayed faithful is you. I had to leave, I had to go Jay! I love you,” Daisy was breathless as she kissed Gatsby.

“Mr. Gatsby, Nick Carraway is on the phone sir,” said Gatsby's butler to the reunited couple.

“I cannot thank you enough for saving Daisy,” responded Gatsby, “Tell Nick I will ring him shortly.

“Sir I was saving you.”

Gatsby and Daisy stood in solemn quiet for a moment before embracing again and walking inside. The butler called the police. Tom tried to take Pammy and force Daisy to leave with him. Wolfsheim used his connections to encourage Tom to give up Pammy and leave town. The next summer Daisy and Gatsby wed in his specially made garden just for Daisy, and this momentous occasion. Nick grew in the stocks and bonds business and married Jordan shortly after the Gatsby's wed. They moved into the city after a few successful years in golf and stocks. After Daisy and Gatsby had a few children they sold their palatial estate and moved to Paris to start anew from Wolfsheim. It was a love of a lifetime, a decade, a century. It was a love that only Jay Gatsby and Daisy could have.

29 October 2014

I Love Lana

He used to call me DN that stood for deadly nightshade 'cause I was filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage. This is what makes us girls, we all look for heaven and we put our love first somethin' that we'd die for, it's our curse. In the land of Gods and Monsters I was an Angel living in the garden of evil. Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed shining like a fiery beacon. Hello? Hello? C-can you hear me? I can be your china doll if you want to see me fall. Boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly. Tell me life is beautiful, they all think I have it all. I'm nothing without you. All my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you. I'm feelin' electric tonight, cruising down the coast goin' 'bout 99. Got my bad baby by my heavenly side, I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight. They say I'm too young to love you. They say I'm too dumb to see. They judge me like a picture book, by the colors, like they forgot to read. Not even they can stop me now boy, I’ll be flying overhead. Their heavy words can’t bring me down boy I've been raised from the dead. No one even knows how hard life was. I don't even think about it now because I've finally found you. Oh, sing it to me, All the pretty stars shine for you, my love. Am I that girl that you dream of? All those little times you said that I'm your girl. You make me feel like your whole world. I'm not afraid to say that I'd die without him. Who else is gonna put up with me this way? I need you, I breathe you, I never leave you, they would rue the day I was alone without you. You're lying with your gold chain on, cigar hanging from your lips, I said "Hon' you never looked so beautiful as you do now, my man." Being a mistress on the side, it might not appeal to fools like you. We been around on the side, wanna be somethin' you would do. 

Lana Del Rey songs used: Ultraviolence, This Is What Makes Us Girls, Gods & Monsters, Summertime Sadness, Brooklyn baby, Radio, Without You, Sad Girl, Pretty When You Cry, Off to the Races.

Scott held a baby.

Yes you read that correctly. My husband, Scott Fennell, held a 3 month old infant. If you know him then you know that that is a HUGE step for him! He is scared of breaking children and refuses to hold them but he, all on his own, picked up the baby and comforted him. It was just about the most adorable thing I have ever seen and made me love him even more. He also played with the toddler we were watching and brought out a toy car for him. It was very sweet and makes me even more confident that one day he will be the best father I could have for my children. 

Even more of Scott now because he is awesome! We went to the racing banquet on Sunday and had a blast! It was at a go kart place and the racers took one more chance to one up each other, but for fun this time! Scott came in 3rd with his group!

Tomorrow I am going to the museum with my baby brother's girlfriend/ my new BFF, Katie! I hope everyone is having a great Tuesday! See ya Thursday!

26 October 2014

Once Upon A Time...

...There was a fox and a rabbit. The fox spent his whole life chasing the rabbit and the rabbit spent his whole life running from the fox. The rabbit constantly kept the fox on his toes by evading him at every turn. The fox loved chasing the rabbit but the rabbit was getting tired of running. One day, the rabbit let the fox catch up to him.

“Rabbit, what are you doing? Why aren't you running from me?” asked the fox.

“Fox I am old and tired. I don't want to run from you anymore. I thought maybe you would kill me quickly and get it over with,” replied the rabbit.

“I don't want to eat you rabbit! I want to chase you! Chasing you gives me purpose. It keeps me active. The people down the street always leave me food outside, at least I think it is for me. Anyway, I am fed but I do not want to become lazy like my brothers. I just like to run and you are the smartest rabbit out there!” insisted the fox.

“I have spent my whole life being afraid of you!” yelled the rabbit.

“I am deeply sorry rabbit. I did not mean to scare you. I just wanted to play,” uttered the fox.

The rabbit accepted the fox's apology and spent the day playing with the fox. The fox protected the rabbit and his family and the rabbit gave the fox some exercise. The two animals lived happily ever after in unlikely friendship. The end.

27 October 2014

Autumn

Yellow leaves are falling,

Football fills our TVs on

Thursdays, Sundays and Mondays,

Pumpkins line our porches,

Fall is in the air.

Summer passes with it's heat

As cool air brings about

Autumn's golden scene.

The aspens turn the mountains gold,

Hoodies cover our backs,

Soon the time will change,

It will get dark before dinner,

Children will track down treats

At spooky, skeleton covered houses.

We sip our pumpkin spice everything

And listen to the fallen leaves

Rustle along the sidewalk.

Aw Autumn, you are here.

20 more days left

In 20 days I will have finished my year of writing. I am not sure how I feel about that yet. Right now it is becoming very difficult to write. I have explored just about every subject possible. If there is anything you would like to see a story on now is a good time because I spend an excessive amount of time each day trying to think of stories. It will feel weird when it is all over but I still have 20 more stories to write.

In other news, I found a praying mantis the other day while I was raking my front yard. It was really neat so I took some pictures of it! I hope everyone is having a happy Sunday! 

24 October 2014

The Star, The Symbol

Germany was my home. My mother and father were born there as were my grandparents and great grandparents. We all were German but after World War I we became German Jews. The changes began slowly. People avoiding eye contact, Hitler stating we were to blame for Germany's downfall, our businesses slowly lost customers, we became enemies in our own country. I knew it was time to hide when they chose to mark us. We were ordered to wear a yellow Star of David on the outside of all our clothing whenever we left our homes. Our lifelong homes in our country. It was no longer our country though. At my urging, my parents, my husband, his parents and his brother quietly left our homes. We knew an elderly German woman in a small village. She owned a small barn and had a son in Hitler's army. They were secretly sympathetic to the plight of the Jews and we knew we could trust them.

The first couple of years weren't too difficult. Our host never brought home more food than usual. Her son had stock piled provisions for us and hid them in the barn. For the most part we could be up and move during the day since she didn't live visibly close to another neighbor. When visitors came over we hid in the barn to keep up her rouse. We even helped her hang up pro-Nazi propaganda in her home. Things changed when soldiers came to her home unexpectedly. They wanted to chat with the mother of one of their fellow soldiers, I feel like they were scouting her and checking up on her true allegiance to Nazi Germany. They seemed satisfied with her but we knew that we needed to hide and not be visible during the day anymore. Under the barn was a cellar and with the help of our savior's son we created a small burrow and a hidden wall for us to hide in. We filled the cellar with food and made it look like the elderly woman was saving food because of the war. We spent everyday hiding in the back of the barn near the cellar to get some sunlight. Every night we would go to our burrow and try to sleep. The woman and her son took care of getting rid of any sign that we were there every singe night.

Our true test came when soldiers came by again. We knew to get in our burrow when we heard an owl hoot twice. We pushed our mattresses against the wall to muffle any and all sound. For hours upon hours we sat in utter fear and silence. We could hear muffled voices in the cellar and our legs were growing weak from sitting still for so long but we did not dare move. Eventually we all fell asleep after what had to of been the entire day. We were woken up to someone pushing against our secret door. I gripped my husband's hand, this was it, we were found. The door kept being pushed harder and harder then we heard a whisper.

“It's me. It is okay, they are gone,” whispered the elderly lady.

Our fear and worry melted away as we moved the mattresses to leave our small hiding spot. It was dark outside but at least we could finally stand. The soldiers had checked her home and made sure she was still a good German. They stayed for dinner and left late at night. The woman decided not to let us out or alert us of their leave until the next night for fear that they were watching. When she was sure it was relatively safe. From that day on we did not leave the cellar. As miserable as our tiny surroundings were, it was better than the camps we heard Jews were being sent to. Eventually Germany fell and the second World War was over. We thanked our helpers and left our country for America. We loved Germany. We lived our whole lives in Germany but now we knew our home was where we were safe, where our children could be safe. We survived that long and deadly war thanks to a kindly old woman and her son. Their generosity was dangerous but they saved an entire family and for that I am eternally grateful.

25 October 2014

The Praying Mantis

Today I was nearly attacked by a giant human. She was violently pushing the leaves I was exploring into a pile. She raked over me several times and I tumbled around trying to regain my composure. I finally crawled to the top of a mound of golden leaves when she stopped. She investigated me for a few minutes then began poking me with a stick. She eventually got the stick underneath me and so I held on as tight as I could. She flashed a camera in my face and then set me in a bush. I sat still with my fists ready to smack her if she got closer. She snapped many unwanted photos of me. I never gave her permission but she did not care. She eventually walked away and I was left to find a new home in the bush since she removed all of the leaves on the lawn I was hiding in. I suppose this bush is not so bad. I at least blend in. The leaves covered me but I am green and they are yellow. At least she didn't come back and bother me for more photos. I can peacefully hunt for bugs again in my new home.

Writing has taken me to new places

The stories I am posting today is a two parter. I had this story in my head that was just too sad. I am someone who always looks for justice. In life that is just not always possible but being a writer you get to write a different story. I usually love writing sickeningly happy stories but on occasion I let life take over and write something with more emotions. I am very proud of myself for these stories because it really takes a lot to write them. I hope you enjoy these not so happy stories today. I am a little iffy about the second half but the first half I am confident in. Let me know what you think! Oh, and whoever is in France reading my blog I just want to say I absolutely love you!

Happy Friday!

22 October 2014

Missing 1

The day started out normal for me, days always start normal when bad things happen don't they? I was just the happiest kid. My favorite thing to do was to play on the swings before going home from school. Usually I would swing with my best friend but she stayed home sick from school that day. I remember it was cold out but my gloves made holding onto the swing really hard so I took them off and threw them in the gravel. I was getting ready to go home when my brother's friend, Joseph, walked up to me. He asked me if I wanted to see the cool clubhouse he had built near the creek in the woods. Joseph was always at our house so I gladly followed him to the clubhouse. I was so thrilled to have a secret place where grown ups could not go. He said it was for kids only!

We walked for a while and I began to grow restless. I didn't want to get in trouble for getting home to late but we still had not made it to the clubhouse. Eventually we reached the creek and Joseph and he said we were close but I needed to close my eyes. I happily agreed thinking this must be a really cool clubhouse! That's when it all went completely dark. I woke up in a haze. I couldn't see out of one of my eyes and my head hurt so bad. I tried to make noise but there was dirt and rope around my mouth. When Joseph saw me moving he punched me but I started crying, that's when he choked me. Everything went black again but this time when I woke up things felt different. I could see very clearly but I was watching Joseph burning a cigarette on someone.

He was burning me. I couldn't feel it. He couldn't see me standing behind him. He spent an hour abusing my body before he picked me up and carried me to a hole nearby. He obviously planned to hurt someone, I don't know if he planned to hurt me but the grave was there. It was like he was a different person. He never made me feel unsafe or like he would hurt me. This day he looked evil, scary, plain unrecognizable. He covered me with dirt and left. I tried to follow him but I couldn't leave my body. Days and days went by. I sat alone and oddly serene in the woods. It was peaceful there. The breeze rustled leaves and the occasional deer would walk by. The quiet kept me company in my shallow grave. Eventually I hear walking nearby. Through the trees were all my neighbors... and my murderer. They all walked right past me. I stood in Joseph's path and I swear he looked straight at me. He walked over my grave like it was nothing. No one found me that day. I have been missing for a year and I wonder if they ever will find me.

23 October 2014

Missing 2

For over a year I sat in the woods, my corpse decomposing and becoming one with the world I was stuck in. I spent 12 years alive on earth but now I was just nourishment for the woods. No one ever came to where I was buried, only animals. Coyotes and fox uncovered me a little bit, enough that someone would notice. Eventually leaves covered me up again. One cold fall day I heard a noise. It was someone walking. If I had had a beating heart it would stopped because there was Joseph digging another hole. He was going to do it again! I could not believe this was happening. I tried to scream but who would hear me? I was no longer alive. The next day he walked up to the spot with another girl. I did not know her but she looked younger than I was.

I watched the scene unfold like mine. He made her close her eyes and knocked her over the head only this little girl did not black out like I did. He didn't hit her the right way. She fought back. I could feel myself getting worked up. He tried to hit her again and smacked her on the side of her face this time knocking her out. He started kicking her and I flew into a rage. I hadn't had feelings in over a year but there they were pulsating through me. I rushed at him and it was as if I had become human again. I threw him into a tree causing him to pass out. I ran over to the other little girl and shook her awake. I could feel her and I know she saw me.

“RUN!” I screamed before I lost all feeling again. She got up ran and a little while later police arrived. They found Joseph passed out by a tree and woke him up to question him. When he woke up he just stared straight ahead frightened. The police kept asking him what he was doing, what had happened, why he was there but he just stared. I know he saw me then. I was standing on my grave. One of the officers came over to where I was, where Joseph was staring, and pushed around the leaves. After a minute he found me.

“Hey, I think we've got bones,” said the officer.

“It was me. I was me. I did it. I killed her. I was going to kill the other girl. I did it. It was me,” said Joseph as he shook by the tree.

I was free. The police found me and took me home. My family got to say goodbye and bury me. I am not stuck in that spot in the woods. I am no longer missing. I am home. I get to be at peace now but Joseph won't be. He will see my face in his dreams everyday that he lives.

My best friend had her baby!!!!

And she is the sweetest baby I have ever seen! I could not be happier for Nikki and Mike! I can't wait to meet little Ava in December when I watch my brother graduate from the Marines boot camp! I hope everyone is having a pleasant Wednesday! 

"The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children."

Jessica Lange

20 October 2014

Super Ninja and Pajamaneh

There once were two girls who came to work at the same place. It was an evil corporation run by an incompetent and cruel young woman named Barlly. At first the girls, Super Ninja and Pajamaneh, did not like each other. One was outspoken and the other was more reserved. Eventually they learned that they really enjoyed each other's company and they became close friends. The girls had the super power of healing and the people they healed loved them but Barlly was an overbearing, warlord of a boss. Barlly made the girls miserable at the job they loved. One day they decided enough was enough, they were going to take down the evil corporation and the mean boss. Super Ninja had the extra ability of the power punch and super kick. Pajamaneh had the extra ability of persuasion and object manipulation. They walked into the evil corporation and began the take down. Pajamaneh convinced everyone to go home and never come back then she convinced Barlly to lock herself up in the villain boss cell at the healer headquarters. Once everyone was out Super Ninja began punching and kicking everything into tiny pieces. Pajamaneh made those tiny pieces into beautiful flowers. Once Super Ninja had punched and kicked everything the friends sat down in the field of flowers where the evil corporation once stood. The super friends felt like all was well in the world now that evil had been vanquished.

21 October 2014

The Day Nugget Was Born

Nikki had a feeling her babe would be born early. Nothing in her life happened on time. As her little nugget began shifting and moving down, Nikki arranged to go on leave fro work early and put her parents on alert that their granddaughter would likely be coming soon. Late at night on October 20^th life got real. Her water broke and in the middle of the night Nikki and Mike rushed to the hospital. Everything went very quickly from there. At 5:26 am, Ava Rowe pushed her way into the world to the delight of her parents. With her father's pouty lips and her mother's cute nose, Ava changed the world around her. With absolute glee, guests came and visited the new little angel in her hospital bed. Nikki gushed over her sweet little nugget as she eased into motherhood. Ava came too soon and very quickly but, for a day, time stood still as everyone fell in love with the world's newest inhabitant.

Nakita is off to boot camp today!

Today I said a very temporary goodbye to another best friend to the navy. It doesn't get any easier to see someone go off to boot camp but at least it isn't getting more difficult. In all it was a nice but very busy day! 

I hope everyone is having a great Monday!

Finally a good one! I love the progression in Nakita's face after not wanting to take pictures.

This was on Nakita's belt... who tried to eat a belt for this to be added to it?

18 October 2014

My Heart is Full of Joy

It leaps and jumps

To know I am fine

For doubt no longer

Clouds my mind.

I could fly to the moon,

Sing songs of pride

As the haze of uncertainty

Gets carried far away.

So much fear,

So much concern,

But all is okay,

I will be just fine.

19 October 2014

The Story of the Fish and the Bird

Before there were many animals on the planet there used to be an animal that could traverse land and sea. With ease it maneuvered the great, wide open seas but also could fly in the clear, blue skies. The land animals were jealous of creature that could swim and fly. As the air and sea animal joyously splashed and soared, the land animals concocted a plan to bring it down.

“We must destroy that abnormal thing!” yelled a lion.

“We should tear it apart!” threatened a bear.

“It mocks us, we cannot have that!” declared a wolf.

The land animals decided to wait for their nemesis to come out of the water and soar through the clouds. As he burst through the foaming sea the land animals pounced. They shredded him from limb to limb and tore him into a million little pieces. Walking away victoriously, the animals cheered at defeating the one animal they could not be like.

Once all the animals were gone the waves surged and the wind began to blow ferociously. The torn apart pieces of scales and feathers began to rustle around. They formed two different animals called a fish and a bird. One could swim, the other could fly. The fish birthed more fish and together they sparkled in the reflective waters. The bird birthed more birds and tweeted in the trees and throughout the skies. The land animals were jealous that they had not destroyed the root of their envy but rather made it more abundant. To this day, birds still fly and fish still swim to remind the land animals of what they tried to ruin.

Excuse me for how short this is

But I am spending the day with my husband.

16 October 2014

“Pardon me sir, I meant not to do it.”

Far from being a queen, she sat in her cell. She had already faced the Revolutionary Tribunal full of men that had brought trumped up charges against her such as stealing money, carious sorts of debauchery and, worst of, incest with her son. Regal as ever, Marie Antoinette stood silent as the charges were read against her.

“Why, Madame Capet, have you said nothing about these charges?” demanded one of her accusers.

“If I have not replied, it is because Nature itself refuses to respond to such a charge laid against a mother,” her words steamed from every ounce of her. The market women, who had stormed the palace looking to rip her head off and place it on a pike, roared in her defense. No matter her plea of innocence there was no due process. She was found guilty and ordered to be executed by guillotine that day. Before she was lead off to write her final will she left the court with a few words.

“I was queen, and you took away my crow; a wife, and you killed my husband; a mother, and you deprived me of my children. My blood alone remains; take it, but do nor make me suffer long.”

They took her to her cell where she wrote her last will and testament to her beloved sister-in-law, Elisabeth. She bid farewell in the letter to her children. More poised than ever, she waited for the swift death of the guillotine. Her hair was lopped off and she was placed in a simple white dress before being paraded in an open cart through the streets to her death. People jeered her and called her names, she kept her head high even though fear pulsated through her entire body. As she was led up to the guillotine, she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner.

“Pardon me sir, I meant not to do it,” she whispered to him as he helped her up to her death bench. Her words were a sorry to the executioner but also to the nation. She meant not to have it all come to this but alas it had. Her death was swift, the people cheered as her head was raised up in victory and her body was thrown into an unmarked. This was the end to the most splendid and fashionable queen all of France had ever seen.

17 October 2014

The Creature in the Attic

Mary loved scary movies and had a habit of watching them alone. She would work herself up in excited fear. She loved being scared! Tonight's horrors were supernatural in nature. After the movie she quickly ran around the house and turned on all the lights. She curled up on the couch and flipped open her book to calm down her nerves. A few minutes into her read she heard a bang in the attic. She jumped at the sound and paused for a moment. She heard more noise and quietly shut her book. All her fears were coming true, there was someone or something in her attic. She set her book down and made her way to the kitchen for a knife. She grabbed the biggest one she could find and made her way up towards her attic. She continued hearing thumping and pounding in the attic. Mary took a deep breath and slowing pulled the attic stairs. One step at a time she walked up towards the top with her flashlight and knife. She took one last deep breath and peeked over the ledge into the attic. The thumping and pounding stopped. She scanned the attic and there, in the corner was the dark creature that was making all the banging. She took another deep breath and walked closer to the creature in the corner. Just then it moved and screamed! Mary jumped and screamed in unison only to realize the evil, supernatural, dark creature in the corner was nothing more than a raccoon tangled in some netting. She called animal control and helped the scared little guy out the net. All was well in Mary's home but she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that nothing truly scary happened that night.

An open letter to an old friend and the death of a queen.

On this day in history, my favorite queen was lead to the guillotine. The French Revolution was bloody and took over 100 years to bring about what it intended to occur, democracy. Her death was unnecessary and ruthless but it happened nonetheless. Marie Antoinette has been called many things but she was in fact just a devoted wife, mother and friend who died on 16 October 1793 in Paris France. The above statue is at the Basilica St. Denis, her final resting place outside of Paris, France. R.I.P. Marie Antoinette.

With that said, I would also like to take this time to write a letter to someone I used to know. She will probably never read this and if she does she will probably argue every point I make but the fact still stands that I need to let go of the pain and anger I have. I am tired of hating this person but they will be in my life for the rest of my life so I must do something.

Dear old friend of mine,

when I first met you I was young and naive. You were older and cool. You made me feel like I had a friend, a sister, a confidant. You invited me into your family, you let me stay with you, you even set me up on a date with your brother at my urging. You wanted us to be together and things could not have gone any better! That is when our friendship ended. You got jealous of the time I spent with him and would make me feel guilty for falling in love with him. You once told me that you would help me cheat on him if that is what I wanted and you would never tell him. You would scream and yell at me if I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing. You got your mom to dislike me for some time because you turned me into a person even I didn't recognize. I was mean and vindictive. I said things to you that I normally would not say to people even if I did not like them. You got people to see me as this mean girl who bullied you but you never told anyone how cruel you had been to me. You tried to get me fired from not one but two jobs and succeeded in getting me transferred from the first one. We patched things up and tried to be friends again but it just never worked out. You made my engagement miserable. You told my fiance that you did not think we should get married. You were angry that I had not made you my maid of honor so you treated me like dirt. You tried to hurt me by parading your friendship with the first person Scott loved in my face. You made things tense between your mom and me throughout the whole wedding. Things were at their worst when you told your mom's family lies about me and made things so miserable that even Scott stopped going around his own family and stopped talking to most everyone including you. I was so broken up about the whole thing I contemplated suicide. I thought Scott would be better off without me and be better with his family. It hurt too much to put him in the position of not getting along with his family. I have never felt so hated and unwanted by people I called family before but you made sure they believed what you said, you made sure they knew I was the bad person you described to them about me. I have spent days upon days hating you. I get angry when I see your face in old pictures or at parties. I get mad when your name comes up. I get so angry because you hurt me. You hurt me more than any other person has ever hurt me in my whole life. My anger and hatred for you comes from a deep and dark place in my heart. I so badly wanted a sister and you took my love for you and blew it up with envy and maliciousness. The only way for me to move on in my life is to forgive you. I forgive you for hurting me. I know you will never apologize to me or Scott for the pain and grief you have caused us but I still forgive you. I am still hurt and will never forget what you did to me but it can no longer be my burden to hate you. I will no longer think about you or let you affect my life because it does not do anything for me or Scott to hold resentment against you. I wish you a happier life than you have given yourself but that is your problem to deal with not mine anymore. I want my life back from you and today I forgive you to get it back.

-Javaneh Fennell

14 October 2014

The Path of Friendship

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” -Albert Camus

I was walking down a path and ahead of me I saw a person that I might like. Fun and happy, lively and bright I walked up and made conversation. I made a friend that day on the path but soon that friend turned into something else. The joyous friend turned into a heel. I was begged and guilted into leading ahead but I was a miserable leader. I liked to smell the flowers and wander aimlessly, my friend needed more direction. I parted ways and continued on my path. Up ahead I saw another soul. This person looked more confident and established. I made my way and introduced myself. I felt more guided and less needed. This new friend set out ahead and tried to push me into their path. I sauntered behind while this friend attempted to set the pace. They bullied through and tried to shove me away from the person I truly was. I could not follow so I fell behind. I continued on my way and found someone smelling the flowers. I walked up and sniffed the flowers beside them. We walked along the path and took our time enjoying the outdoors. I mentioned the bright blue sky, they mentioned the glittering sun off the lake. I found a friend to walk the path beside me. I was not asked to lead, I was not forced to follow I just found a soul to share this happy path of friendship with in life.

15 October 2014

And Then Time Stood Still

The day was like any other, coffee roasting throughout the house, toast popping out of the toaster and the alarm clock blaring after she forgot to turn it off when she woke up that morning. It all started off so normal, so plain, so boring but something in the pit of her stomach was off. She turned off her alarm, put jam on her toast, drank her coffee as she went about her morning getting ready for the day. Life hadn't been the easiest for her. She found out a year ago she had cancer. After months of treatment and nights agonizing over her mortality she beat cancer and was making the most of life. She had already flown to Brazil and taken a long trip cruising the Amazon with her friends and today she was off to Paris with her mother. The day had started off ordinary but by heading to Paris, the day was going to be glorious! The taxi had arrived at her house with her mom. They were jet setting to the land of espressos and art! Love and fashion! They giggled the whole way to the airport and talked about the fun they would have waking around the most walkable city in the world. They were about 20 minutes from the airport and then time stood still. She laughed and as she tilted her head back she saw a car in the rear view mirror racing towards their stopped taxi in traffic. It is funny when they say your whole life flashes in front of you before you die but it's not true. Your fears flash before your eyes. Your shattered dreams and anxiety over the impending doom flash before your eyes. Before she could really process the accident it happened. All was silent, all was quiet. The morning was like any other morning but the evening was tragically different for the girl who survived cancer. 

Abundance, A Book Review

I *finally* finished reading Abundance, A Novel of Marie Antoinette by Sena Jeter Naslund. First of all I must say the book was exceptional! I felt like I was in Marie Antoinette's mind as she traversed Austria to France, childhood to adulthood, giving life to losing her head. The book is broken up into 5 parts all documenting the early stages of her engagement to a young Louis and end with her dying. (That's not a spoiler, Marie Antoinette dies in real life too.) Marie Antoinette is very well known for being flippant and a spendthrift but what many don't know is that she was a very intelligent, caring person who just wanted to do good for her country. She wrote numerous letters to her mother and her dearest friends expressing her great love for France and her husband. She told about the ways she wanted to help her people. She created a little village to feel closer to the French people and even employed those less fortunate than her, taking care of their whole families. She even temporarily adopted a child and after caring for him some time made sure he was taken care of financially for the rest of his life. She was pious and respectable but most know her as the one who said, "Let them eat cake," a saying she never said. She was called an adulterer, a whore, L'Autrichienne, Madame Deficit. The book expels all those notions of the woman you read about and learned about in school. It shows us the loving mother, the devoted wife the caring friend, the kind leader she tried to be and it does so with so much heart that you really pray all the way to the end that history also got her death wrong. I highly recommend reading this book and learning about the bloody French Revolution. Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette may not have been the most capable leaders but they loved their people and they truly tried to do right by them. Had the wealthy upper class not bullied them and rallied against their plans execute taxes on the upper class to reduce taxes on the poor, the revolution may not have ever happened. Had Louis XV not spent all of France's money like a crazed horse and continued to make the people think the king controlled the weather, Marie and Louis XVI may have kept their heads. In the end a tragic king and queen were killed. read the book and learn about her life, her relationships with the Princesse de Lamballe, Duchess of Polignac, the du Barry, her husband and, of course, her friendship with Axel von Fersen. Fersen was a very dear friend that, in another lifetime, could have been her husband. Instead they were in love emotionally but not physically and the book expresses that. He loved the royal family and deeply tried to help them gain freedom and their country back. he often wrote to his sister about his love of Marie Antoinette but he also wrote about how he could never marry since he could not physically have her. Abundance clears her name and tells the story of her tragic fall with so much grace I felt happy at her end, even though it is an utterly sad one. Don't hesitate to learn a little history and read this book! You won't regret it! I give this book 5 stars for excellent writing and imagination.

A young Maria Antonia, before she became French.

The above portrait was incredibly controversial. She wanted to be comfortable and show the people that she didn't always have to wear the expensive materials she typically wore, the nobility did not like that so she had her favorite painter repaint it the way the nobility would like. The painter, Vigée le Brun, is in the book quite often.

Vigée le Brun painted this after the queen had her 4th child. This child died a few months after so the baby was reluctantly painted out of it. Shortly after her daughter Sophie passed, her eldest son, the Dauphin Louis Joseph, died as well.

I took this in Versailles. It is of her little village at the Petit Trianon.

This is the chapel in Versailles where she was wed and often took mass. The Sophia Coppola movie, Marie Antoinette, filmed here.

These two pictures are of her room! How lovely is it!

In the book, Marie Antoinette takes many walks on the grounds of Versailles. There are particular statues and what not that she describes but I kept those for myself. As I read I thought about all the places her and I both walked and saw at Versailles.

This opera house plays a major part in the book. How wonderful to sit on a rooftop across from a place in Paris Marie Antoinette loved so much. She most certainly would have loved the Eiffel Tower!

I belong to a history group online and they made this for me! I was so happy!

Busy day

I grocery shopped, did laundry and cleaned up the house a bit to day before making a deliciously healthy salsa fresca street taco dinner! I feel accomplished... and exhausted! So here are your stories!

12 October 2014

The Honorary Marine

I sit in my office pretending to nap so I can reflect on my young life. I am only 7 months old (okay, okay closer to 8 months) but I am a marine. If I didn't pretend to sleep under one of my brother's desk I would never get time to reflect, too many people want to rub my belly. My name is Pvt. Smedley Butler. I am named after the great Marine with the same name. I went through rigorous puppy training and on September 11, 2014 I walked down Reaper Hill with my boys after they finished the Crucible. I was given my very own Eagle, Globe and Anchor making me a Marine. I was a bit excited to get my new title and nearly dragged my two legged walking mate down the hill. On most days I like to visit the recruits and bring up moral. I let them pet me and snuggle me. They often pretend to be tough but in their hearts they are all softy momma's boys. I am usually very well behaved but sometimes I like to test the recruits by going into their bunks and taking off with their socks. As I lay under the desk I can't help but be proud of all the boys that become men here. They challenge themselves sometimes to the breaking point and they do this for their country. I am proud to now be a Marine with them, the bulldog mascot of San Diego! Oorah!

13 October 2014

Orange and Yellow

They tumbled down from the tree like flakes of snow without the chill. Scattered all along the ground, the orange and yellow leaves left a blanket of color on the dying grass. The children run about the yard with rakes creating an enormous pile of fallen leaves. To them the pile is as high as the sky. It dazzles them to see their creation of golden colors. They drop their rakes and for a moment all is frozen. After a few seconds laughter and glee fill the air as they run towards the pile of leaves. Like an explosion, orange and yellow burst into the air as children piled into it. As if they could not get any happier, they throw the leaves and fill their rosy faces with toothy smiles. Fall is in the air and the trees danced in the laughter of the children while it sprinkled leafy toys down to happy faces. 

A chilly weekend

Looking outside it is obvious to see that it is fall! The falling leaves are bright yellow and they are everywhere! It is so pretty out! It is also a little rainy.

To make things better, my brother's girlfriend sent me the picture below. It is my brother's platoon!!!!! How cool is that?!?!

I hope everyone had a good weekend!

10 October 2014

Pamplemousse et Minou

Pamplemousse and Minou had a love far greater than any other love in the world. Poems were written about their love and battles were fought to disband their love. Their love was so grand that it was as if the stars had aligned and shoved them into each other's path. Aristotle once said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies”. Pamplemousse and Minou proved this to be true for when they came together the world paused for a moment and showered in their union. Pamplemousse took his sweet Minou to all the places in the world where their love could flourish. They sang their love at the warmest beaches, in Paris, on Ferris wheels. They sat in quiet booths and devoured the best desserts with chilled wine. They lived as one and loved as one giving them the envy of the world. Their friends looked up to them and wanted to find a love like theirs. The greatest thing about their love was the simple fact that they did not notice all the world watching it. They did not see themselves in the paintings or in the poems. They only saw each other and where they could go next. They were Pamplemousse et Minou, two hearts, one soul, a glorious love.

11 October 2014

I Am...

I am a bird,

Flightless in the sky.

I am fish,

Unable to swim in the sea.

I am a zebra

Without any stripes,

A lion

Without a roar.

I am a painter

Without a paintbrush,

A writer

Without any words.

My path is unclear,

I have to find my way,

Until then I feel a piece is missing

And it is my duty to find

What makes me whole.