Writing

Writing has been a lifesaver for me. It has brought me solace. It has helped me say things that I just couldn't say before. To everyone who reads this I want to thank you. Thank you for being a part of my process and encouraging me to continue when I wasn't sure if I wanted to. My writing is my reason and I am so happy that I have that.

Here are the promised stories now! Hope everyone has a good weekend!

26 February 2014

The Angel

Her heart was pounding. Fierce, hot tears were on the brink of spilling over her eye lids. Ashley was at the park, vigorously writing a note to someone. Her face was beat red and the world did not matter at that moment, only pain and anger. With her note done, she held it in her hand and looked at the beautiful world around her. If only the haze from her headache and crying hadn't made the world seem even more harsh. She no longer felt the need to take in the day, her time had come to move on from here.

“I am sorry to interrupt but you look like you could use a friend?” a kind stranger walked up to Ashley on her bench and held out her hand, “I am Ava. I love this park. I come here everyday and I saw you today. You looked so unhappy I felt a great urge to speak to you. It is like someone pushed me towards you.”

“Oh, hello, Ava?” asked Ashley to which Ava nodded in approval, “I am sorry you have wasted your time speaking to me. I really must go. Thank you for feeling the need to talk to me.” Ashley was about to run off but Ava placed her hand on Ashley's arm.

“Please stay for a moment. What harm could it do? I need a break from my walk and you look like you need someone to talk to,” said Ava. Ashley gave a weak nod of approval. Ava was right, she did need someone to talk to but maybe it was too late to talk. She would let Ava do what she needed and be on her way.

“So,” uttered Ashley, “um... sorry I can't think right now”

“Oh that is okay! It is such a nice day. Days like today really give me hope for the world. The sweet chirping of the birds, cars far off in the distance whizzing by, children laughing. Sometimes when I am feeling hopeless I come her and listen to all of the happy things around me. You see, this park gives me such bittersweet memories. I lived here not long ago but now I can just come visit.” Ava closed her eyes and absorbed the days warmth.

“You lived here?” asked Ashley, temporarily forgetting her pain, “Why? How Were you homeless?” feeling slightly embarrassed at asking so many questions, she blushed and put her head down.

“Oh don't be ashamed at curiosity. Yes, I was homeless. Sadly, it was my fault. I was very hung up on heroin and when I needed rest I came here. When I was a child, my sister would bring me here. Our stepfather did horrible things to us but my sister brought me here to give me some sense of happiness. That is why I came here to sleep and that is why I come here to walk. It is my happy place.

A couple of months ago I was fed up with life. I had been selling myself for heroin and anything I could get my hands on. I hated myself, I hated my life and one day I decided the world didn't need me. I came out here in the dead of winter, shot myself up and laid down to die. I woke up in a hospital surrounded by strangers.

These strangers were out looking for a lost dog and found me. They took me to the hospital and even paid for me to go to detox and rehab. I stay in contact with them even to this day and regard them as my family. They saved me and are kind enough to say I saved them. I come here to remember the peace I needed and found here. Sorry, I suppose that is a lot for a stranger to dump on another. I just felt you needed to hear it,” Ava was now holding Ashley's hand.

“I... I don't know... I am at a loss of words. You look so... normal? I don't mean that in a bad way but you certainly don't look like a heroin addicted, well former addict. You have opened up so much to me but I am sorry I cannot do the same for you,” Ashley felt ashamed that she could not tell Ava about her heartbreak and torment.

“Love, you do not need to explain anything to me. This world is so dark and pitiful at times. We all have our demons but we all should be allowed to have a few angels as well. I can read your depression all over your face. There is a deep pain in your eyes but I can assure you everything that is black contains all of the color within it,” with a glimmer of optimism in her eyes, Ava smiled at Ashley and hugged her.

“Thank you Ava, you kind soul. I will admit, I do not feel better but I feel less... destitute, alone, hopeless,” a single tear fell down Ashley's cheek but this tear wasn't a sad one any longer.

“I am supposed to meet my adopted family for lunch in a bit. Would you like to come?” asked Ava.

“No,” responded Ashley, “thank you but I live a couple blocks away, may I walk with you until I get home?” Ashley asked.

The young women walked and spoke of their lives, their passions and their dreams. All of Ashley's fears and depression seemed to wash away with the kindness of a stranger. After a brief stroll they made it to Ashley's apartment. Before she said goodbye, she handed Ava her note but not before scribbling something more on it.

On the note was a goodbye. It was written to Ashley's mother and was meant to be left on Ashley's bed next to her body. On the note Ashley added, Thank you for saving me along with her number. If that wonderful angel, Ava had not spoken to her, she would never have gotten the chance to see the true beauty and live her life new, bright eyes. She was saved that day and given new reason to hope.

27 February 2014

Realizations

Waiting rooms are always cold. The chill is just daunting. It doesn't matter what you are sitting in a waiting room for, there is a fearful coldness that makes you sweat but freezes you to the core. Now for people like myself, waiting rooms are 100% worse. Anxiety rushes through me like waves in the ocean. My heart flutters and my hands get balmy as I play on my phone pretending nothing is wrong.

I was sitting at this time, waiting for to see a head doctor or, as most people refer to them, a psychologist. I was there for precisely the feelings I was having whilst waiting for her. As I was waiting I could feel my heart and stomach making a race for my throat. Just as I was deciding if I was going to flee or throw up, the therapist called my name.

She was a sweet older woman. Very motherly and comfortable. As we walked to her office, she told jokes and asked where I got my name. It was nice. She made me feel less like I wanted to run and I had no fears of losing my lunch. We spoke for about 40 minutes. She asked me what brought me in and how my life was affected by everything I told her.

After sitting there for 40 minutes wringing my hands and fidgeting (all the while thinking Stop moving stop moving stop moving. She is going to notice. She is going to think you're nuts. STOP MOVING!) she finally asked me if I had ever looked up online anything I had described to her. I admitted I had but that I didn't like doing that because it would just freak me out that I was crazy. I told her that I had felt most similar to being bipolar and that it seemed like something that may be in my family.

“I am glad you came it that conclusion. I would like to assure you that you are not crazy. Now how does that make you feel? Are you comfortable with that sort of diagnosis?” she asked me.

How does that make me feel? How does that make me feel? I don't know! I don't ever know how I feel. I over feel. That is why I am here. Oh god I am crazy. I am a crazy nutty nut and now she knows that.

“Fine I suppose, I mean it is scary but at least it is an answer,” I responded putting aside all my anxiety filled thoughts.

She was so kind in her response. She explained to me that I am bipolar II based on what I have told her. She told me not to worry, that bipolar disorder gets a bad reputation but bipolar II is easily manageable and can be maintained with talking it out and sometimes medication. Now medication freaks me out. I love who I am I just do not love the sad and angry parts of me that are showing up more often. I don't want to be a zombie. I don't want to lose my happy self while I lose my sad self.

I explained this to her and she was so supportive. She let me know that my health is my decision. I should speak to a psychiatrist about medication but only to be fully informed. She explained that all I know is how my life is now. Getting information about medications can help me make an informed decision on my health and if I choose to not take anything that no one will ever judge me or pressure me into it.

The relief that came over me was almost too much to handle. I felt like crying but she is still a stranger and I can't be that vulnerable. I felt like I was in a calm pool not a stormy ocean. I finally had answers. I finally felt like someone understood me in a different way than my family and friends could. Getting an answer is terrifying but so gratifying at the same time. I no longer felt like I was crazy or “too emotional” as people like to say. I felt like I had something to identify with, something I could comprehend and get help for.

For many years now I have secretly been in torment because of my anxiety and depression. I sometimes avoid people so no one sees who I really am. I cry a lot and wonder why I am here and why anyone even associates with me when I don't even like myself. I have been searching for an answer to my “problems” and now I have one. I realize now that I am no longer free falling into an unknown, dark abyss. I have a safety net. I have a team to help me. I realize now that my husband can take a deep breath and feel some relief that he can have some help with me.

I have a long road ahead of me. I have good days and terrible days ahead. I will be happy sometimes and I won't. I will love myself sometimes and I will hate myself sometimes. At least now I can have something to hold and be instead of always wondering. Welcome to my world and my continuing journey of finding myself.

My big news of the day: I am bipolar.

Today I am not sharing one of my daily written stories. Instead I am sharing with you my story. I made the decision, after much consideration and discussions with Scott, to make an appointment to see a doctor about my anxiety and depression. Kaiser has this great program now that is very supportive of mental health issues and drug/alcohol addiction. They do behavioral therapy and I made an appointment to see a therapist.

After talking to her for about 40 minutes she asked me how I felt about being diagnosed with something. I told her that I was scared but at this point I just want an answer. I had looked things up and always felt like I was possibly bipolar. She was very happy to hear that I was so receptive to a diagnosis. She then told me that I am almost to the tee bipolar, specifically bipolar II disorder.

Hearing that news was such a relief. The most relieving part about it is the fact that I no longer feel the need to lie to everyone. For many years now I have either put a smile on my face or avoided people at all costs possible. Luckily I have the most supportive husband in the world who has helped me through a lot of what I am dealing with. I don't feel scared anymore of judgement and being looked down on for having "problems". I can stop putting on an act and actually have something to fight head on.

I HIGHLY encourage everyone to look up bipolar disorder and understand bipolar I and bipolar II. There is a LOT of stigma attached to both and unfortunately that is why people like myself don't like talking about it. The fact of the matter is there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Some days I am over the moon! I feel great, I work out a lot, I eat really well, I am satisfied with life, I just feel content and good. Then I get a little manic. I workout too much, I get obsessed with things and I can get angry at the drop of a hat (or if Scott chews "wrong"). I start diving into hate and anger which turns into a deep depression where taking a shower is a GIANT accomplishment for the day.I start to feel up again and the cycle starts all over again.

The part that is frustrating is how sensitive I am all the time and how mean I can be. I am just rude sometimes.Scott gets the brunt of all my wrath. He occasionally gets to enjoy my happiness but more often than not, I am not a very happy person. I have noticed lately that I have had more downs than ups. This is just unfair to my wonderful husband and I am so glad I decided to get help.

Well that is my story, or at least what I am comfortable sharing on my blog. Today I am happy to talk about it, tomorrow I may regret telling the world I am bipolar. It really is empowering to say "I am bipolar" though so hopefully this feeling will stick and I can wear my diagnosis like a badge of honor. If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or if you need to talk to someone about anxiety, depression and/or bipolar disorder please feel free to talk to me. I would love to be a voice of encouragement and help anyone who needs it.

The Borgias

It is an excellent show but terribly inaccurate so I just pretend like they are different people. That way it is still about the corruption of the catholic church and politics of European royalty. It is truly fascinating!

24 February 2014

Bound by Duty

Each day we spend together spanning miles and miles of travel. I am a companion but but unbeknownst to my traveling friend. You see, I stay back and wait, I do not intrude and I do not intercede on my travelers day. My friend is the messiest of waters and I take care to keep my companion clean. I eat left over food and dead skin and sometimes I am even permitted to pick at my friend's teeth! I will always travel with my friend and wait while they hunt because I am loyal and love a free ride. So long as there are sharks, you will have me for I am a remora suckerfish, bound by duty to my shark.

25 February 2014

I For You and You For Me

Two hearts beating,

So rhythmically,

So passionately,

Together as one.

You love me

To the depths of the sea

And I love you

To the reaches of outer space.

We yell and fight,

We bicker and cry,

But that is no matter,

Our love is a never ceasing fire.

I am yours

And you are mine.

Through thick and thin

Our souls unite.

Is it spring time yet?

Almost. I wish time would speed up and then stop in summer. I would be happy with that. Well since I have zero control over this weather I will just share my stories with you. Enjoy!

22 February 2014

The Wind

If you listen closely the wind tells many stories. It whispers in your ear all that it hears throughout its journey on land and sea. The wind tells tales of lovers found and love soured. There are tales of sweet kisses and tears shed. Dogs bark with playful owners and leaves dance around to the amusement of children. The wind tells us all of this.

The wind tells us of destruction and chaos. Fires set ablaze and dance to the rhythmic tunes of the frightful wind. Fences fall down and roofs tiles get swept away. Out on the high seas, the wind tells us of lone fishermen making money for their families. We hear of pirates getting blasted away by ferocious waves. The wind tells of dolphins putting on a show for all the happy folks on cruises.

Yes, the wind tells the story of all of us. It shares our joy and shame. The wind spreads the word to all the world that we are not alone. The wind sings its song of life into the ears of anyone who will listen, carrying our hopes and fears along its cool breeze. Sometimes it is harsh, sometimes it is soothing but listen closely because it is always talking.

23 February 2014

The Sparrow and the Beetle

Sparrow and beetle lived different lives. Sparrow flew the warm, crisp skies and beetle had to survive on the ground. One day, sparrow and beetle met for the first time. Sparrow was on the patio of an animal lover in the neighborhood who loved feeding the birds. Sparrow was eating some tasty seeds when beetle walked across the patio and passed sparrow.

“Why hello little beetle! Is this not such a lovely day! There are so few clouds, the sun is warm and the cool breeze is just so delightful! Wouldn't you say so?” chirped sparrow with all the delight from the day.

“The day is warm sparrow but lovely is never a term I use to described this harsh world,” beetle was disturbed by sparrow's joy.

“Oh beetle how could you feel so horribly about this day?” asked sparrow with as much confusion as he could muster, “each day when I fly through the air I see all the green grass and pretty, colorful flowers. People and houses look like ants and buzz around like happy little bees! The world is so bright and when it does get cold, I have my family and nest to keep me warm. How could the world possibly be a bad place?”

“Well sparrow your life sounds mystical. Everyday I wake up and have to run around this person's yard to find food and shelter to survive. No matter what I do, it is always an uphill battle. I am being stalked daily by cats and birds so large they even dwarf you. It takes me an entire day to walk across the yard and back home. Work is all I do and there is no time to play. This world is not as beautiful as you think,” huffed beetle to the now sad sparrow.

Sparrow's little heart was in shambles. How could the world be such an awful place when all he saw was wonder and grace? That is when sparrow came up with an idea to help beetle but it would take a couple of days.

“Sad beetle I have an idea to help you and your family. Other bugs don't seem so unhappy with life but you make my heart so broken. May I come see you in 3 days with my new idea?” asked sparrow.

“I suppose that should be okay. I will be back here at midday in 3 days to see what you have to offer for me. Good day sparrow,” replied beetle as he sulked off with some seeds.

Sparrow flew off, hopeful that his plan should work. He flew around that day looking for the best spiders, ants and caterpillars so he could commission saddles to be made for his and his family's backs. He then got his family together and made an intricate home for the beetle at the base of sparrow's tree. Within 3 days everything was put together. Sparrow met with beetle and told beetle to collect his whole family and to meet him back there once he was done.

“Okay sparrow, we are all here, now what is all this nonsense? We have so much to do today and you are disrupting our day,” beetle said.

“Oh sweet beetle, have I the surprise for you!” with a chirp, all of sparrow's family flew down, “you see I wanted you to see that the world is a happy place. I made saddles for you and your family so that you could ride on our backs while we flew the blue skies! You deserve ease and grace. When you aren't flying us, we will take any small creature for rides so they too can share our joy. We also made you a new home at the base of our tree so that we can become friends and help your family. Now beetle, would you and your family like to see our world?”

“Wow... kind sparrow... I... I don't know what to say,” beetle had never been treated so well by anything, especially a bird.

“Well come on beetle, grab your clan!” with that sparrow and his family showed the beetle family what a beautiful world they live in. Beetle was certainly impressed with the movement on the ground he had never seen before. Beetle felt so grand for once in his life and didn't feel so little or helpless. He now had a happy home and a new friend. That day morphed his view on the world forever all thanks to a little change of perspective from a blissful bird.

Sushi, Crab Legs and Creme Brulee, What More Could a Girl Want?

Today my little brother is taking me to Sushi at our favorite place, Mr. Sushi. They have excellent sushi and the staff is incredibly nice. I have never once had a problem or gotten sick from eating there! Later to night, after Nakita gets off work, we are heading up the hill to have an all you can eat crab legs dinner at Ameristar! Not only is that fantastic but they also make delicious creme brulee. Plus it is a good excuse to dress cute and eat as much good food as possible, like any real American!

Today is a lovely day so read my stories and then go out and have some fun before the wind picks up again and takes us all away!

20 February 2014

Pickles and Milk

My great Oma was a kind and loving woman. We loved going to her house because she would give us a piece of candy the moment we entered the front door. She would take us out back to smell her beautiful roses ad play with her sweet dog. Her house always had this specific smell that I can't describe but every time I catch a whiff of it I feel like I am at home.

Whenever we went over there, she would insist that we drink milk. I still remember those cups. They were the small plastic 70's style ones. The only problem with being made to drink a glass of milk was he fact that I hated milk. I absolutely hated milk and would gag when I had to drink it. My wonderful great Oma , who had a solution for everything, had a solution for my problem. With my glass of milk I got a pickle. Now to most of you that is unimportant or even disgusting. My favorite thing in the world used to be dill pickles.

If I remember correctly, she always had the Mt. Olive pickles. I will never forget the look of that jar. She would tell me, in her sweet German accent, that I could have the pickle with my milk if I drank all of my milk. If I didn't drink my milk I couldn't have my pickle next time. I still didn't like milk but I did NOT want to drink my milk. Being a smart child I found my own solution. I bit into my pickle and squeezed pickle juice into my milk. As soon as my milk was yellowish color, I knew it was safe enough to drink. Right now, that actually churns my stomach but as a kid I loved it! Plus it got me to drink my milk!

This is my favorite memory of a woman that I only knew for my short childhood. She passed away when Christian was just a a little baby so I was about 8. I only have select memories of her and they are all so wonderful. She never once said anything about me drinking my pickled milk because at least I was drinking the milk. I miss my great Oma everyday and cherish these stories of my time with her.

21 February 2014

The Story Is Yours

History is written by the victors.

Will you fail

To have your story told

Or will you be victorious?

Shall you be a stone,

Slowly or not at all breaking down

Or will you be a snowflake,

Melting quickly in a fleeting moment?

How will your story be told

To all the world and its listeners?

Speak it loud, speak it proud,

Or speak it not at all, the choice is yours.

The world could use some more kindness and respect.

The news is so depressing. A violent rapist is on the run. More kids are committing suicide because of bullies. People all over the world are hating each other and killing each other. I understand that is a part of life but at home we don't have to be like that. Kids need to learn respect. They need to befriend others and not bully others. Parents don't require kindness from their children, they don't demand respect from their children, they don't spank their children or teach them discipline anymore. We should not be losing our children to perverts and bullies. Ugh, now I am just ranting about all the wrongs in the world that I cannot right. I just know that when I have kids I will teach them the best I can to respect others and to be confident in themselves. I want them to be strong enough to not listen to bullies and strong enough to stand up to bullies. I want them to be kind and not selective when it comes to friends. This world is so cruel I just want my kids to be happy and healthy.

With that said here are my stories! Love you all!

18 February 2014

The Adventures of Super Buddies

The wind was blowing like the Zeus was spitting it himself. The sky was black and the trees were tossing around, weak to the wills of the vicious winds atop the mountain. Nakita and Javaneh were holding their hands together, wrapped around the base of a tree. The wind was whipping them around like they were nothing but that wasn't going to stop the Super Buddies from their task at hand. Their was a cat at the top of this tree on top of this mountain and they needed to save it.

They had been trying to save this black cat all day. It had first run out into the road and the Super Buddies managed to shoo it away from oncoming traffic. They tried, time after time, to coax the cat to them but she was not having it. She ran to the mountains, found the tallest one with the tallest tree and perched herself high above Nakita and Javaneh's short grasp.

That is when the wind picked up and the lightening started. The Super Buddies, who helped animals in their free time and sang about it, knew they had to bring the black cat home. As the cat clawed the tree to stay put, the Super Buddies used their powerful massage therapist muscles and runner's legs to climb the tree. Javaneh climbed on Nakita's shoulders to reach the first branch and then used her legs to swing Nakita up. They took turns doing this until they almost reached the top.

“Okay Super Ninja,” said Javaneh using Nakita's nickname, “I will climb up to the next branch and hope the cat doesn't to jump. I will grab her.”\

“Awesome Pajamaneh!” exclaimed Nakita using Javaneh's nickname, “Once you grab her I will hold my backpack open and we can set her inside and take her home!”

“YES! SUPER BUDDIES UNITE!” they both yelled as the cat yowled and the wind twirled.

Nakita distracted as Javaneh climbed up behind the cat. Quickly, Javaneh snatched the black cat and Nakita opened the bag. The cat was so stunned that she couldn't react fast enough and was placed in the backpack.

“Okay let's go before the wind carries us away!” yelled Javaneh.

The Super Buddies rushed down the tree and ran down the tallest mountain all the way home. When they opened the backpack, the little black cat was curled in a ball sleeping. They placed her in a bed and gave her some food and water.

“That was a close one Pajamaneh!” said Nakita as she sunk into the couch.

“Ya it was Super Ninja, now we need to go save all those dolphins and orcas at SeaWorld!” said Javaneh.

“Sure sure, but first let's get a Starbucks.” the Super Buddies made off to ever popular coffee chain to make plans on how to bust out all the scared animals of the world. For now, all was right in their world.

19 February 2014

The Rabbit and The Frog

In the wooded forest lived a rabbit and a frog. Both thought they were the bees knees of the forest who could hop the highest and the furthest. They were also incredibly vain and competitive. The woodland creatures were constantly having to judge a plethora of games the rabbit and frog competed in together. At first everyone loved it but now the competitions were getting exhausting.

One day hummingbird overheard rabbit and frog arguing about who could jump the highest AND the furthest. Quickly she zoomed off and told all the other creatures to hide so they wouldn't get suckered into judging yet another nonsense competition. Rabbit and frog looked far and wide and couldn't even find a slug to be there judge!

“There is no one around so we will just have to judge for ourselves!” barked rabbit at frog.

“Fine! The best jumper will have touched that brunch,” growled frog pointing at a branch a couple feet high, “ and outlast the other in a race.”

“You must reach the branch before beginning the foot race! May the best rabbit win,” rabbit winked at frog.

“On your mark!” yelled frog.

“Get set!” rabbit screeched.

“GO!” they both said and off they went! Both hit their marks on the tree and were head to head jumping, hopping and running through the forest, keeping a shrewd eye on the other. Faster and faster they went, jumping over logs and avoiding trees but not particularly paying attention to what was ahead. That's when hummingbird, who was watching quietly from the tops of the trees, noticed the cliff that frog and rabbit were about to run off.

“Frog! Rabbit! Stop! There is a cliff! Stop!” yelled hummingbird as loud as she could.

“Ha! Hummingbird is cheering for me!” gloated frog.

“No I heard Rabbit not frog, she is cheering for me..” Rabbit began to say.

“Dangit guys I told you to stop you idiots!” said hummingbird.

Frog and rabbit jumped their greatest jump, directly off the cliff in the forest. Neither was ahead or behind, they fell off at the same time. Both jumped off that cliff without ever determining who was truly the best. At first the woodland creatures were sad. They said their goodbyes then forgot about frog and rabbit, never thinking back about the stressful days of the overly competitive duo. 

Crashing computers and another birthday

First of all I would like to wish my wonderful Father-In-Law a very happy birthday today!

I am late on my post today because my computer decided the past couple of days that it sincerely hated life and did not want to work for me. Lucky for me I am married to a highly intelligent computer guy. He did some magic (rebooted the computer and deleted stuff, probably more I just don't understand his lingo) and now it is working. So here are my stories for the past couple days and tomorrow I will have more! Love you all!

16 February 2014

Time

Time stands still

There lies the essence

Of our days

Just lofting through our path

Like a lady's perfume.

A sweet smell of victory,

A troubled call,

The morning dew

Collecting from warm breaths.

Days and nights

And all the things we do,

Collecting together

In the seconds of our days.

Time is forever

Days are quick.

Life is over in an instant

But it is the longest thing

You will ever do.

17 February 2014

Mischievous Little Black Cat

Clink! Clank! Smash! All common sounds in the mischievous little black cat's house. She was a dainty and light jumper but glasses and dishes were all victims of her curious ventures into windows. She jumped onto the cabinet ledge and crash goes two owl glasses. She jumps on the table and tink tink tink go the puzzle pieces that sit, awaiting to be put together.

Everyday there are new messes that the mischievous little black cat creates for her people. Whether it be retaliation pukes because she wants new food or an innocent piece of dishware that topples to ground as she carelessly looks on. She eats through bags of chips because the salty flavor is so desirable. She claws at the carpet because he nails must be pristine.

New troubles and new messes every single day yet, as mad as she makes her people, she manages to sweeten them up by the end of the day. Yes, sweet little black cat and her adorable lap naps melt the hearts of her people and help them to forget all her mischievousness. She will sleep with them all night and keep them cozy until dawn and in the morning she will begin new shenanigans.

A Secret Kept

Recently I finished a book titled A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay. It was a fairly quick read and kept me on the edge of my seat almost to the end. There is a secret (duh) that the brother and sister characters are trying to figure out. It was exciting and fun to read about an upper class, dysfunctional family in Paris. The only problem is the fact that the secret, once revealed, was not all that exciting and then the book just kind ends. It was a huge disappointment and when I finished the book I wished I had never started it. While it was fun to read, the ending was far too anti climactic considering the entire book is searching for an answer to a mystery they stumble upon. I would give this book 2 stars and I really wouldn't recommend it to read. I would recommend another book by this author, Sarah's Key, but skip A Secret Kept.

Lately I have been on a major poetic kick. I have been writing a lot of poetry lately and reading it too. I even wrote Scott an original poem for Valentine's Day that won't be shared on the internet unless he chooses to share it. So if you don't like poetry, I apologize but you may get a lot on here. They are short stories so there is that. Hope you enjoy them and I will try to write stories as well as poems.

14 February 2014

Baby Cupid

Baby Cupid loved sitting in the clouds and watching happy people stroll around the world. Every time he saw love from his pink cloud, Baby Cupid's cheeks would turn bright pink and his wings would flutter like the beating heart of a lover. All day he would watch as couples fell in love and made the world a better day.

One morning, as Baby Cupid was watching the lovers of the world, he saw a tragically sad sight. A young woman was sitting on a bench. Hot tears rippled down her face and she was clutching a note in her hands. Baby Cupid stirred the wind and forced the note from the young woman's hands. Frantically she tried to catch it but to no avail. The note drifted to the heavens where Baby Cupid took it.

Alexia, I do not love. Not like you love me. Your father needed me to marry you for your family's fortune. I love another, she is younger and can give me many sons and her family is very rich. Your family has lots of girls and very little money. Your father will find you another husband but that will not be me. Goodbye.

When Baby Cupid finished reading the sad note, he understood the young woman's anguish. Just reading the note broke his heart and he had not loved this writer of the note. His wings stopped moving, his skin turned gray, Baby Cupid was in complete despair over the grief of the young woman. He watched her for a few minutes and could not bare her pain any longer. As she lay on the grass now, clutching her heart, Baby Cupid felt he needed to put her out of her misery and pain from a broken heart.

Baby Cupid searched the heavens and finally found an arrow. He brought it back to his pink cloud over the young Alexia. He kissed the arrow and shot it straight through her back into her heart. She was still and the arrow had disappeared. Baby Cupid was confused. He had shot her but the arrow was gone and her soul had not risen out of her.

He was about to fly away because he couldn't watch her anymore when he noticed Alexia standing up and wiping her face. Her eyes were clear, her heart was racing. She brushed herself up and noticed a handsome young man standing by a tree. As if by magic, the young man turned towards her. Baby Cupid's wings began racing like the hearts of the two young people he was watching and he realized he was watching them fall in love. His arrow was blessed by him with his kiss and mended Alexia's heart to fall in love with the first compatible person she saw. That person just happened to be nearby.

From that day forward, Baby Cupid commissioned arrows from the gods and blessed each one with a lovers kiss. He spent his days flying around the world mending broken hearts and bringing love to people he watched. Never again would a girl like Alexia be saddened by heartache thanks to Baby Cupid.

15 February 2014

The Breeze

Breeze by breeze

The wind does blow.

Leaves flutter and fly

Like pretty tan birds

Sun is shining,

Dogs are barking

And the breeze rolls on

Like a magical rip tide.

Oh so pleasant

Is this warm winter day.

Now a sweet breeze

But tomorrow may hold snow,

For this is Colorado

Where winter weather

Is completely unknown.

My historical man crush is...

I don't have much time (Valentine's dinner is in the oven) but i would like to say that I love Abraham Lincoln and I forgot to wish the man happy birthday. I typically never forget considering he and I share the date but this time I forgot. He was a great president who built himself up and took risks for what he believed in. So in his honor I wrote a story in the perspective of a viewer of The Gettysburg Address just for him. If I could meet anyone from history he would definitely be on my list.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

12 February 2014

An Ode to Lincoln on His Birthday

We all watched, misty eyed and completely in awe. This man, this tall, stoic man changed this country because his heart so desired it. His passion and convictions to do the right thing now take center stage as we watch him give his speech. The war affected us all, no matter if your side won or lost. Many up North are angry with President Lincoln for causing so much conflict he made us one nation and one nation that we can hold our heads up high to. To think, if this great Republican had not been born, if he had passed like his mother had in sickness, we would have a Confederate nation.

As my family and I watch and observe the crowd that is here to listen to Lincoln speak, we know that we have sided with the correct forces. We have demanded change in our nation and fought valiantly for it. Lincoln will be forever remembered for the things he did and I hope my children look up to this bearded man who came from nothing to be the President of our great country.

I will never forget his words so long as I live, “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that “all men are created equal.” Such words of wisdom from a true man of the people. Today and for the rest of my days, I am proud of my country!

13 February 2014

It Is So Dark In Here

I was stuck in here, trapped by all the darkness and anguish. I could not find my way out. Searching and searching but no light was shining through. I finally ran into an angel amongst all my devils.

“Close your eyes and see with your heart, feel with your soul and the light will shine,” my angel said.

So I tried. I closed my eyes and suddenly, with each sweet thought, each gesture from a friend or family member I could slowly start to feel the warmth of the rays upon my pale skin. I opened my eyes and felt it all with my soul. The darkness still shrouded over me but it was punctured now with light. Bits of sun rained down on me and helped me up. I can feel now and I can breath now. Struggles will still come but I have the light to hold onto now and forever. It is no longer so dark in here.

I was born on yesterday's date so I get to be late with a post

Yesterday was my 26th birthday so I decided not to post this post then. I had a great day filled with Tamale Kitchen, Monuments Men, pottery painting and creme brulee buffet. My wonderful husband got me a new purse (mon nouveau sac est joli), a workout arm band for my phone, a Paris coffee mug and a memoir about Paris. He is a darling man who makes me so happy! I had a great birthday week with friends and family and I love them all so much!

I will leave you with yesterday's two stories and resume blogging on my regular schedule tomorrow! Au revoir!

10 February 2014

The Run

Shoes on snug,

The Skele-toes everyone hates.

Hair tied up high,

Water full and cold.

Walking at first

Her body warms up,

Music turned on high

Fall Out Boy moves her

And makes the run easy.

Blood rushing to her face,

Palms are getting sweaty,

Dew builds on her brow,

As she builds her speed.

One mile down,

Must go faster.

Two miles down,

Lungs breathing harder.

Her heart races at its fastest now,

She must keep going,

She is almost there,

Closer and closer the end is near.

Three miles down,

She did it!

She made her goal.

Flushed faced and messy hair,

Joy bursts through her body,

Her mind is clear.

The run was a success,

Now to go home and rest,

Tomorrow she starts over.

11 February 2014

The Day Lady Jane Died: In The Words of the Bloody Queen Mary

I am the Queen Mary and I am required to uphold the law of my land. Many may not think I am the rightful heir but I am Henry VIII and Katherine of Aragon's lawful daughter, yet I am legitimate regardless of what my enemies say. Oh and poor, stupid Jane. I kept her alive as long as I could but too many of my enemies wanted to put her back on the throne and cause me to lose my head. I just couldn't keep her around. She was an innocent figure in this game of royalty and the Protestants will pay dearly for their treason against myself and the catholic church. Lady Jane and her overly ambitious husband were merely pawns in returning my people back to the true faith. For now I will take a moment to pray for her soul as she no longer carries her head. Maybe now my people will return to the true faith or burn for their crimes. I am the Catholic Queen of England and France and my people will be catholic!

Jimmy Kimmel

I have no reason for this title other than I am currently watching Jimmy Kimmel. Also I guess I do have a bit of a comedy crush on Jimmy. He is my TV husband.

Anyway, I have had a pretty awesome past couple of days. I really love my mom, brothers, grandparents, in-laws, friends and husband. They are simply amazing people who make my world a bright and beautiful place. My birthday is on Wednesday and I have been celebrating for days. Everyone has made this birthday so special and wonderful and I am so happy! Thank you all for your love!

Now here are some stories! I am especially proud of the first one! Hope you enjoy.

8 February 2014

Lana del Lorde and Company

We live in cities you'll never see on screen, not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things. Living in ruins of a palace within my dreams and you know, we're on each other's team. American dreams came true somehow. I swore I'd chase until I was dead. I heard the streets were paved with gold, that's what my father said. I got my red dress on tonight. Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight. Done my hair up real big beauty queen style. High heels off, I'm feeling alive.

I could be yours, I could be your baby tonight. Topple you down from your sky forty stories high. Shining like a God, can't believe I got you and so look at what I bought, not a second thought, oh, Romeo. Primadonna girl, Would you do anything for me? Buy a big diamond ring for me? Would you get down on your knees for me? Pop that pretty question right now, baby. Beauty queen on a silver screen, living life like I'm in a dream. I know I've got a big ego, I really don't know why it's such a big deal, though.

Pretty soon I'll be getting on my first plane. I'll see the veins of my city like they do in space but my head's filling up fast with the wicked games, up in flames. How can I fuck with the fun again, when I'm known and my boys trip me up with their heads again, loving them. Everything's cool when we're all in line for the throne but I know it's not forever. I am feeling so small. It was over my head. I know nothing at all and I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl.

I've seen the world, done it all. Had my cake now diamonds, brilliant and Bel Air. Now hot summer nights, mid July when you and I were forever wild. The crazy days, city lights, the way you'd play with me like a child. Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul? I can be your china doll if you want to see me fall. Boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly. Tell me life is beautiful, they all think I have it all. I'm nothing without you. All my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you. 

In no particular order: Royals, Team, Tennis Court by Lorde. Primadonna by Marina & the Diamonds. Say Something by A Great Big World. Radio, Summertime Sadness, Lolita, Young and Beautiful, Without You by Lana del Rey.

9 February 2014

The Duck and the Ant

Once upon a time there was a duck who ate an ant. The ant wiggled and crawled and tickled the ducks throat. The duck coughed and quacked and rolled on the ground. The duck gave one big, final hack and the ant went flying. Never again would the duck eat an ant. The end.

Birthday dinner tonight with friends!

I am having so much fun rocking out n my kitchen to music! You guys will get to read a new lyrical story from my recent playlist in 2 days! Get excited!!!!!! I am gonna finish cleaning and getting ready to get fawned over tonight :)

6 February 2014

Spark

Happy as a clam, Spark was happy little fairy. She loved to zip around and fly through the air. As happy of a creature that she was, Spark was a lonely fairy. She could fly all day and spread fairy dust around the world but she gave an electric shock to everything she touched. No one wanted to be around her because they didn't want to be hurt by her.

She was named for this electric shock and partially because of the sparkle that is always in her eyes. She did talk to other fairies and even had a few friends but none that would close enough to have secrets with. One day she was floating about the lily pond sprinkling fairy dust on the flowers. Her friend the toad was sitting at the edge of the pond waiting for her.

“Hello Spark! The flowers look beautiful today! They will attract lots of bugs for me to eat. How are you?” said toad

“Oh toad,” sighed Spark, “I hate being a broken fairy. I just want to make friends and hold hands and share secrets. I don't want to hurt people, it's awful toad.”

“I'm so sorry Spark that is terrible. You look so happy I didn't know you didn't have any friends. What if you wore gloves. Couldn't one of the other fairies make you some gloves?” Toad had a very good point. Fairies had many skills and making things was one of them.

“Toad if I could kiss you without shocking you I absolutely would! I will give you a special gift if this works. I love you toad!” with that Spark zipped off to speak with Mother Fairy. She helps anyone who asks.

Mother Fairy considered Spark's request and told her to come back the next day. Spark was thrilled. She daydreamed the whole day about flying hand in hand with friends, patting animals, touching plants and just plain being close to the world. The next day, bright and early, she went back to Mother Fairy. All along the way she was spritzing fairy dust all around the pond.

“I made you some special gloves. You will wear them always and they will block your shock but not your fairy abilities. Now put these on and I will sprinkle them with my powerful fairy dust,” Mother Fairy put the gloves on her table and motioned for Spark to put them on.

“They are so pretty Mother, thank you!” Spark watched as Mother Fairy sprinkled fairy dust on her new gloves.

“Just remember to keep them on all the time or the fairy dust will not work. The best part is they change color. If your mood is pretty, your gloves will be pretty, if your mood is ugly, your gloves will be ugly so stay happy my lovely Spark. Now go and spread your joy around,” Mother Fairy gave Spark her first hug and let her be on her way.

Spark was thrilled to have her new gloves and the first thing she did was go to toad and thank him. She snuck up to toad and tapped him on the shoulder. Toad turned around and was shocked but not by Spark's touch, rather by her lack of a shock from her touch.

“Spark! You touched me and it didn't hurt! Your gloves are beautiful I am so happy they worked,” said toad with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

“Yes and it is all thanks to you. Now I promised you a gift. First of all my gift is being your fairy. I will be your best friend and help you with everything you possibly need,” she gave toad a giant hug and he hugged her back, “last but not least toad I made you something. I made you the most glorious crown. You are such a handsome toad and now I deem you king of all the toads! You are now King Toad”

King Toad was beyond excited for his new crown and his new name! Spark sat on King Toads back and he took her around the lake to tell everyone both of their good news. The other fairies and toads were so happy for the new friends. They cheered and hugged Spark. All was happy in the pond.

7 February 2014

The Cow Who Sneezed and Lost Her Spots

Everyday the cows grazed the pasture eating all the luscious green grass they could get their flat teeth on. Their lives were pretty mundane but they didn't know any better and thus they were happy. One day the wind began to wisp around them, swirling pollen from the trees and flowers all about. This caused the cows to start sneezing. Suddenly one cow sneezed with so much force that all of her spots shot off her body like dust and disappeared into the bright blue sky.

All the cows were in awe. None knew what to do or what to think. They had never seen a cow just lose its spots and go completely white. The cow looked herself up and down. She lifted her legs, shook her head and still no spots. The other cows sniffed around her and looked all over the grass, careful not to eat her spots. Even the birds circled around to help look for the spots.

Eventually Mr. and Mrs. Farmer came out to inspect what all the ruckus was. They saw their spotless cow and couldn't figure out what had happened. They called the vet who called other vets. Scientists were called and then the press. People came from far and wide. Some were curious onlookers others were religious and wanted to see the white cow.

All of the new fame for the cow brought fortune to the farm. Mr. and Mrs. Farmer upgraded all of the farm and made the animals even more comfortable than they already were. They got more feed, more toys and more attention. The interest in the cow didn't last too long but all of the farm animals loved everything they received from all the gawking people. All because a cow sneezed and lost her spots.