This post is still a little too painful to post so I will keep this short.Or shortish. On 25 May 2015 we lost the foundation to our lives. My father-in-law passed very suddenly and left us with gaping holes in our hearts. It has been a long couple of months without him. He was always supposed to be there and now he is not and we have to gather ourselves and move forward. Moving forward for me is getting back to writing which I haven't done since the day before he passed.
Ken was a wonderful father. He was knowledgeable, tough, caring and supportive. He taught Amanda to work on cars and he taught Scott how to be a good, respectable man. Ken made me feel like one of his kids and did an excellent job at guiding Scott through the ups and downs of marriage. He joked with us (or truthed as it turns out) that if Scott decides he gets the whole garage in our new home then I get the whole house. Scott ended up giving me enough space in HIS garage to park my car when it hails and leave my bikes and I gave Scott the basement to put his office in MY house, all thanks to Ken.
You could talk to him about anything and if you were feeling blue he always knew how to cheer you up. He loved to tell stories and make people laugh. It was his specialty. He was reliable and never let anyone down. He loved his wife Karen more than I have ever seen anyone love. You couldn't write a love like theirs or watch it in a movie. It was pure and enduring. The way he admired her was just such a wonderful sight.
He was an all around good man and this world is better for having had him in it. It has gotten easier to cope as each day passes. The grief comes in waves. Lately when they do come though, they crash and hurt. It is a painful process to lose someone so profound in your life. I wish I could have said more to him when he was around; there is so much I wish I could do but he is gone and wishing won't fix that. Instead I need to make him proud. I am back to writing, something he always supported. I will try to remember his lessons and examples with my marriage. I will take care of his wife like she is my own mother and his daughter like she is my own sister. I will live my life at greater peace and most of all I will truly live it. Thank you Ken for being a father figure to me and for being such an instrumental figure in shaping my husband into the man I am married to today. You will forever be missed.
This is what I wrote and read at his memorial for anyone who wasn't there:
What
more could I say about Ken that hasn't already been said? So little
and yet so much. I met Ken 11 years ago while working at Elvis but it
wasn't until 2007 that I really got to know him. In my eyes, he was 7
foot tall, blonde Superman. In reality, he wasn't exceptionally tall
but he was always such a grand presence whenever he was in a room.
His smile put me at ease and his gentle but firm guidance helped me
navigate adulthood. I had the great honor and pleasure of being, as
Ken said, his favorite daughter-in-law, a title I carry with great
pride. I can say with absolute certainty that Ken and Karen shaped my
marriage. They loved each other like people are supposed to and
helped us with the ups and downs of married life. I have a kind,
gentle, loving and devoted husband because of Ken. He happily
accepted the blonde little troublemaker that Scott was as his own
flesh and blood, raising him to be the best partner I could possibly
ask for. Family was the most important thing to Ken. My heart is
completely shattered knowing my children will never get to meet him,
be spoiled by him and loved by him. It hurts knowing he won't be here
to help my husband through fatherhood, a task he made look so
effortless. Though he is gone, we do have his many stories about his
childhood and his children. With that, I have learned a few lessons
that I will share with you all today. Don't make your children watch
their baby sister when they really don't want to. They will leave her
in her stroller in an alley in New York until it is time to go home.
Don't trust little boys to be home alone after school. They will use
your garden tomatoes as baseballs and bat them through the yard. When
surrounded by little girls, let them braid your long blonde hair and
show it off like it is their best work. When no one else can coach
soccer, volunteer, even if you coach it as if it were hockey because
you don't know a lick about soccer. When your daughter is learning to
crawl, make sure your son has something to do while you record it or
he will try to steal the spotlight with his endless chatter. The
greatest lesson I learned though, is that parents aren't perfect but
they love their children no matter what. Ken always made me feel like
one of his own. He indulged my love of Paris and was one of three
people to sit through all 1600 pictures I took from our trip last
year. He was proud of my writing. When I was published, Ken and Karen
immediately ordered the book I co-authored. When I told him I was
working on a new book by myself he said he would print it for me. I
was so excited to have him print my book. He was always excited for
whatever new path I decided to take in life. Ken was an incredible
man who has left an enormous hole in all of our lives but I take
solace in the fact that I knew him and could call him dad. I love you
Ken and miss you so much.
Keep an eye out for stories, my heart is in a better place for writing now and I am excited!
