Going to the Avs game!

My brother Darren is taking me to the Avs game tonight! I am super excited! The season is coming to an end soon and playoffs are just around the corner so this should be a good game!

Stay warm everyone, a storm is coming in and will probably bring nasty, wet snow. Not all is lost though! Spring will be here in less than two weeks! Yay!

8 March 2014

Starry Nights

Starry nights glitter in the moonlight,

Shapeless clouds flow across the night sky.

The air is quiet and peaceful as we sleep,

Our dreams, they float within the breeze,

Taking our fantasies to the heavens.

Sweet starry nights so shrouded in mystery,

Creatures from our slumber play

In the night that is so dark and obscure,

Their only lights are the twinkling stars

Guiding them through their dallying ways.

Like little fireflies prancing way up high,

The stars kiss our sky until it's time for the sun.

They protect our imaginations as we lay in bed,

We break from reality and let our minds

Wander wistfully amongst those twinkling stars.

9 March 2014

The Mouse

The mouse needed to cross the river but did not know how. He thought of jumping on a turtle but what if he went underwater? The mouse may drowned. He could build a boat but how would he make sure he didn't float all the down stream? He kept thinking and thinking when a frog hopped by.

“Mouse what are you doing here by the river's edge?” asked the frog.

“I need to cross the river and I can't come up with a very good way to get there,” replied the mouse.

“Why don't you cross on that branch?” asked the frog.

“Why frog you are a genius! I never even thought to cross on the branch!” The mouse ran across the branch before frog could say another word.

“Mouse wait!” yelled the frog. Unfortunately the mouse was not very observant. He didn't see the owl waiting for him on the other side and was too impatient to let frog tell him about the owl. The mouse was picked up by the owl as soon as he reached the other side. The frog just shook his head and hopped off, all the while thinking about how stupid the mouse had been.

Lunch and shopping with my mommy

Today was a good day. I went shopping with my mom at Charming Charlie (best store ever!!!!!!!) and then went to lunch at Los Dos Portillos! It was a great day and I had so much fun! I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!

6 March 2014

The Mirror

Katie hadn't slept very well for the past couple of days. She chalked it up to the wind. Every night for the past three days she heard a tapping noise. It sounded like someone outside a window. This terrified her initially but she was a rational person, at least she thought she was. It had to be wind. It had to be the tree tapping the glass in the next room. It certainly wasn't a close noise so it must have been in the next room.

One night she couldn't take it anymore. It was time for a sleeping aide. She slapped her face with cold water, grabbed the ZzzQuil and was ready to take some of the tablets when suddenly BANG BANG BANG! She dropped the tablets and glass in the sink. What the hell was that? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? That wasn't wind! She thought to herself.

Taking a deep breath, she ventured out of the bathroom towards the sound. It came from her closet. How could that noise have come from her closet. The tapping began again and she realized that it had always com from her closet. She opened her walk in closet door and looked around when she heard the tapping. It was coming from her full length mirror. Oh jeeze! It is probably just the pipes making noise behind the mirror! Feeling so much more relaxed, Katie turned on the light.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Katie screamed. There was a girl in the mirror!

“Help me!” cried the girl, standing next to Katie's image in the mirror, “Please help me! He is trying to kill me! Help me!”

Katie was stuck. Petrified. What was she going to do? She had an idea but she wasn't sure if she was too afraid to try it. There was only one way to find out...

7 March 2014

Buddy's Diary: Winter Will Never Cease

Today I had hopes of change. The smell of spring was around us and it was lightly raining. All was well and clearly Spring was just around the corner. Then my human Javaneh brought home that puppy, Wes. I don't mind him so much really. He behind smells interesting and he is my size but he seems to keep growing. Plus he insists on barking at me when I ignore him. I ignore and I ignore yet he continues to bark. To make matters worse, it began snowing again. My hopes of Spring were dashed in an instant. So much snow was falling and it was insanely cold. Javaneh kept making me go outside with Wes. She wants us to be friends but I just do not see that happening. I just want to eat his food and smell his butt. Is that too much to ask? Well anyway, since I am no longer allowed on the couch, I am going to sit on my tiny bed and fall asleep. I wish winter would just end so I can spend my days sniffing the yard and marking my territory.

Just some stories

4 March 2014

My Girl

She sits across from me. Donning that green and black dress I love. It has green down the middle and black lines the sides. That dress flaunts the curve of her hips, slims her perfect stomach and perfectly accentuates her breasts. All of this without showing any cleavage or skin above her knees. She looks at me. This beautiful creature whose green eyes are even more stunning in this dress.

Her eyes shimmer prettier than any emerald possessed by man. Bright green and gazing at me with an intensity I cannot comprehend. She gazes at me for just a moment before tossing her head back in a great laugh at something I have just said. Her blond hair is pulled back to show off her perfect face. She used to hide it with make up but now she only paints her lashes and her lips, just the way I like.

My gorgeous wife and all her glory. She walks to the counter with our glasses, showing off her long legs. She wears green heels to match her dress and to display her ideal calves. Her calves, the envy of all the girls and her favorite feature. I can't help but be in love with this impeccable woman. Her grace, her clumsiness, her intellect, her goofiness, all of what she is simply amazes me.

I watch this beauty, in my favorite green dress and enjoy the vision that she is. If only I could speak these words to her. Tell her how I feel, but alas I am at a loss of words. I have never been that great at expressing my feelings but when she looks at me with all the passion and admiration she can muster, I just know she can read my mind. Words may not come to mind but for now I will enjoy how exquisite she is. My sweet wife, my girl, my love.

5 March 2014

The Gilded Menagerie

The birds had a grand menagerie. All its sides were gilded and there were gilded designs all over all the glass. The birds had golden perches and bowls. They were given golden twine for nests and the best spring water. All of this made their world glimmer and shine like a diamond. There were lilies, tulips, orchids and roses lining the floor of the menagerie. Vines and sunlight shot around like it was connecting endless beauty. The menagerie was exquisite and the birds were joyous.

One day, a little canary was on the ground enjoying the greatness of her home, when she saw a mouse. The little gray mouse was dashing around, collecting seeds and other food. This peaked the canary's interest. She knew what the mouse was because she had seen them from her nest but she had never seen one up close.

“Hello little mouse! Welcome to my humble home. Would you like a tour of our menagerie?” asked the canary. The mouse didn't know what to do. There was nothing threatening about the situation so he put his food down.

“Why hello canary. I know this place really well, I love to eat and rest here! I have a home outside of here. My home isn't very big but my family is happy and we have the whole world to explore. This menagerie is lovely but there is a great world outside these gilded walls,” replied the mouse.

“A better world than this? That's unbelievable!” the canary was stunned at this thought, “Please little mouse, Come with me to my home in the tree and tell me about this world you mentioned!”

The little mouse and canary walked through the colorful grounds of the menagerie. The canary pointed out her favorite set of lilies, her favorite color of tulips and her favorite sunning spot. She wanted the mouse to see that there was nowhere better than her home. When they got to her tree she pointed out how it was in the middle of the menagerie and in the prettiest little tree, prettier than the rest!

“Welcome to my nest little mouse. Please have some water and seeds. All are welcome here. Now, tell me about this world of yours. Why do you think this beautiful, golden menagerie isn't as great as the outside world?” the canary was a bit teasing but genuinely curious.

“Well let's see I guess I should tell you about all the bad things first. The weather is never stable. We animals can feel the change coming so we can prepare but days get too cold and then get too hot. We just have to deal. We gather as much food as we can and look out for big animals who want to eat us,” explained the mouse.

“That sounds horrible! No one worries here we have all the food and water and shelter we need!” proclaimed the canary.

“Of course not all of it is bad. This just makes us strong for the sometimes harsh world. There is so many great things about the world though! We have an expansive sky. You can't find the end of it. The blue sky goes on forever. We have trees that are as tall and taller than large buildings! In some places there are wheat fields that go on for miles!

These flowers you have here are wonderful but outside these gilded glass walls are more flowers than you have feathers! In every color and size you can imagine. People even like to collect them and put them in vases on their tables. We have mountains and canyons. There is so much to this world that you just can't get here,” the mouse was so caught up on telling about the world that he nearly forgot he was with the canary.

“This world of yours sounds so splendid. My heart can't decide what I like. I am happy here. I am comfortable but suddenly you make me feel caged in my menagerie. I question whether or not I want to be here or be out there,” the canary was confused now. She looked out at the sun shining in. The warmth of her home. Even when the weather was bad outside, it was always nice inside.

“Well kind canary, let me help you make up your mind. In here you are happy. You are satisfied. You enjoy your world. Out there you might feel the same but you weren't born into it. You wouldn't know how to survive a chill or a an overheating. In my world I have learned that when you are happy, stay happy. When you are unhappy and unsatisfied, change your world and be happy,” the mouse smiled at the canary and the advice helped.

“Little mouse, I have an idea. Bring your family and live here in this safe and happy menagerie!” the canary was very proud of her idea.

“Thank you so much canary but I like my home. My family is happy and we enjoy scampering around the world. We may have to try harder to survive but we find our happy moments. My family would be bored here but I tell you what, how about I bring my family here every once in a while and spend time with you? I can help you build a lunching place to fit us all,” it was a splendid idea that the mouse had.

Every week the little mouse family visited the menagerie. All the birds loved time with them especially the little canary. She realized she loved her home and her life. She couldn't leave her friends and the wonderful people who kept the place so pretty. Plus she felt more of the outside world by having the new mouse family as friends. Life was good and no on wanted to leave their happy placess, no matter how small or gilded they were.

My Jack is getting old.

My dog Jack is my baby. I have had him since he was five and he saw miserable things before me. He was owned by a monster who beat him daily and didn't even miss him when I kidnapped Jack. Ya I stole a dog many years ago but he would have been kicked to death their. Now he is almost 14 years old and starting to slow down. I know I don't have much time with him so this is my post to him. He is a very loyal dog who loves to roll around in the grass and take day long naps, so long as he can see where I am. I love my doggie and am so happy to have him in my life.

2 March 2014

Captain Jack Sparrow aka Jack

The first day I saw you I new you were meant to be mine. You had a different name but it didn't fit you. I named you Captain Jack Sparrow and helped kidnap you from an evil man who beat you. You were in shambles when I took you. You had been beat so bad you had seizures nearly everyday. You were broken and I helped mend your doggie scars.

You no longer have seizures and that makes me so proud. You are bit more gray in the face and you aren't as spazzy as you used to be but you still love me and follow me like you are my shadow. You have gotten more senile and you may be going blind and deaf but you will always be my baby. You are my dear sweet Jackers but this is my ode to you.

You are a quick learner. You are silly puppy. You have long fur that is considered a “defect” to your breed. You are hyper-loyal and super smart. You are 14 this year and we don't have much time left together but you have been there for me through the best and worst times. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for licking my tears away and sharing in my joy. Thank you for being the first dog I have ever owned. You are so sweet and so wonderful. I will take whatever time I have left with you and enjoy it because you will never be forgotten. I love you Jack.

3 March 2014

My Eyes

My eyes

Oh what they see!

Shooting stars

And such great delights.

I see the world

In so many spectrums.

Beauty and love,

Passion and desire,

Grief and sadness,

Hate and pain.

So many things to see

But too much to feel.

Oh what my eyes see!

My heart it is touched

By those visions.

These things I see

They change my soul.

I search for the beauty,

And seek to destroy the evil.

I choose to see things as happy,

So feel free to look at the world

With my rose colored glasses.

Ugh! It is already March!

Time is going by way too fast. This post will be short, I wanna do other things, like snapchat. Hope everyone had a good weekend!

28 February 2014

The Exaggerating Pig

The farm animals were all very welcoming of each others talents. Everyone thought the cows were he best frolickers, the goats were the best jumpers and the chickens were the best strutters. Most of the pigs were excellent mudders but one pig, named Mabel, was the best at something else. Mabel wasn't particularly good at anything bu she was excellent at one thing, she was an extreme exaggerator.

Mabel was the absolute best at making up the grandest, and often most outrageous, stories. She could jump the highest, she could swim the fastest, she had been in a plane before. She told so many stories that the farm animals often ignored her. Mabel never noticed. She had a grand ego that kept her going.

One day when Mabel was telling another story, a flying squirrel ended up on the farm fence. All the farm animals were fascinated with this fun, adventurous little creature. They listened to him tell stories of cruising through the tree tops and having short flights through valleys. He had such fanciful life and the farm animals were having a blast spending time with him. Mabel soon became very envious and approached the crowd.

“When I was a piglet I was taught to fly. Ya the farmer taught me. Did you know that Mr. Squirrel? Ya so pigs apparently do fly,” boasted Mabel.

“That is really cool Mabel! My name is Henry by the way. We should go soaring over the river! It would be so fun to fly with a pig! The river has a portion over there that is really wide and has a good jumping and landing spot!” Henry was genuinely excited while the rest of the farm animals just scoffed. That's when the farm animals got an idea.

“Ya Mabel! Go flying! We would LOVE to see that,” said a cow.

“Yes Mabel, we are never privy to your great skills. Let's go!” clucked a chicken. Mabel protested but the animals pushed her to the river edge. Mabel was sweating and insisting she was tired but the farm animals knew she couldn't fly and wanted to end her lies for once and for all.

“Okay Mabel are you ready?” asked Henry.

“I am so tired Henry I wont go very far,” Mabel was fearful but she had to do it now. Everyone was watching! Hopefully the river wasn't deep. She had also exaggerated her swimming skills and that is what everyone was counting on.

“1,2, 3 GO!” yelled the crowd. Mabel and Henry took running starts and jumped over the ledge. Henry went soaring with his little wing flaps and gracefully landed on the other side. Mabel on the other hand made a loud splash. Everyone laughed and Henry looked extremely confused. Mabel realized the water was very deep and couldn't swim.

Just as Mabel was about to give up, one of the horses walked into the river, pushed Mabel to the other side and then swam back to the farm's side of the river. Henry soared back over to the farm animals while Mabel sat on the other side of the river defeated.

“Why would be so stupid and lie about flying Mabel? You could have died!” Yelled Henry.

“Maybe we should have warned you Henry. Mabel is known as the great exaggerator around here. She lies about everything because she isn't good at anything. We used to help her but she always slights us or mocks us when we do so now we just ignore her. We thought this would be a good lesson for her and that is why we didn't let her die. We knew we had a good swimmer in our horses,” explained one of the goats.

The farm animals and Henry went home. They preferred to build each other up and no longer wanted Mable on their farm. Mabel walked off and was never thought of again making the farm a beautiful and happy place where no one was lied to or treated poorly again.

1 March 2014

Headache

Headache, headache,

Go away.

You hurt my brain

And stunt my creativity.

A soft pounding

building in my skull

You make me mean

And super forgetful.

Please leave my body

So I can ease my mind.

I need to think

But you're being an ass.

Writing

Writing has been a lifesaver for me. It has brought me solace. It has helped me say things that I just couldn't say before. To everyone who reads this I want to thank you. Thank you for being a part of my process and encouraging me to continue when I wasn't sure if I wanted to. My writing is my reason and I am so happy that I have that.

Here are the promised stories now! Hope everyone has a good weekend!

26 February 2014

The Angel

Her heart was pounding. Fierce, hot tears were on the brink of spilling over her eye lids. Ashley was at the park, vigorously writing a note to someone. Her face was beat red and the world did not matter at that moment, only pain and anger. With her note done, she held it in her hand and looked at the beautiful world around her. If only the haze from her headache and crying hadn't made the world seem even more harsh. She no longer felt the need to take in the day, her time had come to move on from here.

“I am sorry to interrupt but you look like you could use a friend?” a kind stranger walked up to Ashley on her bench and held out her hand, “I am Ava. I love this park. I come here everyday and I saw you today. You looked so unhappy I felt a great urge to speak to you. It is like someone pushed me towards you.”

“Oh, hello, Ava?” asked Ashley to which Ava nodded in approval, “I am sorry you have wasted your time speaking to me. I really must go. Thank you for feeling the need to talk to me.” Ashley was about to run off but Ava placed her hand on Ashley's arm.

“Please stay for a moment. What harm could it do? I need a break from my walk and you look like you need someone to talk to,” said Ava. Ashley gave a weak nod of approval. Ava was right, she did need someone to talk to but maybe it was too late to talk. She would let Ava do what she needed and be on her way.

“So,” uttered Ashley, “um... sorry I can't think right now”

“Oh that is okay! It is such a nice day. Days like today really give me hope for the world. The sweet chirping of the birds, cars far off in the distance whizzing by, children laughing. Sometimes when I am feeling hopeless I come her and listen to all of the happy things around me. You see, this park gives me such bittersweet memories. I lived here not long ago but now I can just come visit.” Ava closed her eyes and absorbed the days warmth.

“You lived here?” asked Ashley, temporarily forgetting her pain, “Why? How Were you homeless?” feeling slightly embarrassed at asking so many questions, she blushed and put her head down.

“Oh don't be ashamed at curiosity. Yes, I was homeless. Sadly, it was my fault. I was very hung up on heroin and when I needed rest I came here. When I was a child, my sister would bring me here. Our stepfather did horrible things to us but my sister brought me here to give me some sense of happiness. That is why I came here to sleep and that is why I come here to walk. It is my happy place.

A couple of months ago I was fed up with life. I had been selling myself for heroin and anything I could get my hands on. I hated myself, I hated my life and one day I decided the world didn't need me. I came out here in the dead of winter, shot myself up and laid down to die. I woke up in a hospital surrounded by strangers.

These strangers were out looking for a lost dog and found me. They took me to the hospital and even paid for me to go to detox and rehab. I stay in contact with them even to this day and regard them as my family. They saved me and are kind enough to say I saved them. I come here to remember the peace I needed and found here. Sorry, I suppose that is a lot for a stranger to dump on another. I just felt you needed to hear it,” Ava was now holding Ashley's hand.

“I... I don't know... I am at a loss of words. You look so... normal? I don't mean that in a bad way but you certainly don't look like a heroin addicted, well former addict. You have opened up so much to me but I am sorry I cannot do the same for you,” Ashley felt ashamed that she could not tell Ava about her heartbreak and torment.

“Love, you do not need to explain anything to me. This world is so dark and pitiful at times. We all have our demons but we all should be allowed to have a few angels as well. I can read your depression all over your face. There is a deep pain in your eyes but I can assure you everything that is black contains all of the color within it,” with a glimmer of optimism in her eyes, Ava smiled at Ashley and hugged her.

“Thank you Ava, you kind soul. I will admit, I do not feel better but I feel less... destitute, alone, hopeless,” a single tear fell down Ashley's cheek but this tear wasn't a sad one any longer.

“I am supposed to meet my adopted family for lunch in a bit. Would you like to come?” asked Ava.

“No,” responded Ashley, “thank you but I live a couple blocks away, may I walk with you until I get home?” Ashley asked.

The young women walked and spoke of their lives, their passions and their dreams. All of Ashley's fears and depression seemed to wash away with the kindness of a stranger. After a brief stroll they made it to Ashley's apartment. Before she said goodbye, she handed Ava her note but not before scribbling something more on it.

On the note was a goodbye. It was written to Ashley's mother and was meant to be left on Ashley's bed next to her body. On the note Ashley added, Thank you for saving me along with her number. If that wonderful angel, Ava had not spoken to her, she would never have gotten the chance to see the true beauty and live her life new, bright eyes. She was saved that day and given new reason to hope.

27 February 2014

Realizations

Waiting rooms are always cold. The chill is just daunting. It doesn't matter what you are sitting in a waiting room for, there is a fearful coldness that makes you sweat but freezes you to the core. Now for people like myself, waiting rooms are 100% worse. Anxiety rushes through me like waves in the ocean. My heart flutters and my hands get balmy as I play on my phone pretending nothing is wrong.

I was sitting at this time, waiting for to see a head doctor or, as most people refer to them, a psychologist. I was there for precisely the feelings I was having whilst waiting for her. As I was waiting I could feel my heart and stomach making a race for my throat. Just as I was deciding if I was going to flee or throw up, the therapist called my name.

She was a sweet older woman. Very motherly and comfortable. As we walked to her office, she told jokes and asked where I got my name. It was nice. She made me feel less like I wanted to run and I had no fears of losing my lunch. We spoke for about 40 minutes. She asked me what brought me in and how my life was affected by everything I told her.

After sitting there for 40 minutes wringing my hands and fidgeting (all the while thinking Stop moving stop moving stop moving. She is going to notice. She is going to think you're nuts. STOP MOVING!) she finally asked me if I had ever looked up online anything I had described to her. I admitted I had but that I didn't like doing that because it would just freak me out that I was crazy. I told her that I had felt most similar to being bipolar and that it seemed like something that may be in my family.

“I am glad you came it that conclusion. I would like to assure you that you are not crazy. Now how does that make you feel? Are you comfortable with that sort of diagnosis?” she asked me.

How does that make me feel? How does that make me feel? I don't know! I don't ever know how I feel. I over feel. That is why I am here. Oh god I am crazy. I am a crazy nutty nut and now she knows that.

“Fine I suppose, I mean it is scary but at least it is an answer,” I responded putting aside all my anxiety filled thoughts.

She was so kind in her response. She explained to me that I am bipolar II based on what I have told her. She told me not to worry, that bipolar disorder gets a bad reputation but bipolar II is easily manageable and can be maintained with talking it out and sometimes medication. Now medication freaks me out. I love who I am I just do not love the sad and angry parts of me that are showing up more often. I don't want to be a zombie. I don't want to lose my happy self while I lose my sad self.

I explained this to her and she was so supportive. She let me know that my health is my decision. I should speak to a psychiatrist about medication but only to be fully informed. She explained that all I know is how my life is now. Getting information about medications can help me make an informed decision on my health and if I choose to not take anything that no one will ever judge me or pressure me into it.

The relief that came over me was almost too much to handle. I felt like crying but she is still a stranger and I can't be that vulnerable. I felt like I was in a calm pool not a stormy ocean. I finally had answers. I finally felt like someone understood me in a different way than my family and friends could. Getting an answer is terrifying but so gratifying at the same time. I no longer felt like I was crazy or “too emotional” as people like to say. I felt like I had something to identify with, something I could comprehend and get help for.

For many years now I have secretly been in torment because of my anxiety and depression. I sometimes avoid people so no one sees who I really am. I cry a lot and wonder why I am here and why anyone even associates with me when I don't even like myself. I have been searching for an answer to my “problems” and now I have one. I realize now that I am no longer free falling into an unknown, dark abyss. I have a safety net. I have a team to help me. I realize now that my husband can take a deep breath and feel some relief that he can have some help with me.

I have a long road ahead of me. I have good days and terrible days ahead. I will be happy sometimes and I won't. I will love myself sometimes and I will hate myself sometimes. At least now I can have something to hold and be instead of always wondering. Welcome to my world and my continuing journey of finding myself.

My big news of the day: I am bipolar.

Today I am not sharing one of my daily written stories. Instead I am sharing with you my story. I made the decision, after much consideration and discussions with Scott, to make an appointment to see a doctor about my anxiety and depression. Kaiser has this great program now that is very supportive of mental health issues and drug/alcohol addiction. They do behavioral therapy and I made an appointment to see a therapist.

After talking to her for about 40 minutes she asked me how I felt about being diagnosed with something. I told her that I was scared but at this point I just want an answer. I had looked things up and always felt like I was possibly bipolar. She was very happy to hear that I was so receptive to a diagnosis. She then told me that I am almost to the tee bipolar, specifically bipolar II disorder.

Hearing that news was such a relief. The most relieving part about it is the fact that I no longer feel the need to lie to everyone. For many years now I have either put a smile on my face or avoided people at all costs possible. Luckily I have the most supportive husband in the world who has helped me through a lot of what I am dealing with. I don't feel scared anymore of judgement and being looked down on for having "problems". I can stop putting on an act and actually have something to fight head on.

I HIGHLY encourage everyone to look up bipolar disorder and understand bipolar I and bipolar II. There is a LOT of stigma attached to both and unfortunately that is why people like myself don't like talking about it. The fact of the matter is there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Some days I am over the moon! I feel great, I work out a lot, I eat really well, I am satisfied with life, I just feel content and good. Then I get a little manic. I workout too much, I get obsessed with things and I can get angry at the drop of a hat (or if Scott chews "wrong"). I start diving into hate and anger which turns into a deep depression where taking a shower is a GIANT accomplishment for the day.I start to feel up again and the cycle starts all over again.

The part that is frustrating is how sensitive I am all the time and how mean I can be. I am just rude sometimes.Scott gets the brunt of all my wrath. He occasionally gets to enjoy my happiness but more often than not, I am not a very happy person. I have noticed lately that I have had more downs than ups. This is just unfair to my wonderful husband and I am so glad I decided to get help.

Well that is my story, or at least what I am comfortable sharing on my blog. Today I am happy to talk about it, tomorrow I may regret telling the world I am bipolar. It really is empowering to say "I am bipolar" though so hopefully this feeling will stick and I can wear my diagnosis like a badge of honor. If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or if you need to talk to someone about anxiety, depression and/or bipolar disorder please feel free to talk to me. I would love to be a voice of encouragement and help anyone who needs it.

The Borgias

It is an excellent show but terribly inaccurate so I just pretend like they are different people. That way it is still about the corruption of the catholic church and politics of European royalty. It is truly fascinating!

24 February 2014

Bound by Duty

Each day we spend together spanning miles and miles of travel. I am a companion but but unbeknownst to my traveling friend. You see, I stay back and wait, I do not intrude and I do not intercede on my travelers day. My friend is the messiest of waters and I take care to keep my companion clean. I eat left over food and dead skin and sometimes I am even permitted to pick at my friend's teeth! I will always travel with my friend and wait while they hunt because I am loyal and love a free ride. So long as there are sharks, you will have me for I am a remora suckerfish, bound by duty to my shark.

25 February 2014

I For You and You For Me

Two hearts beating,

So rhythmically,

So passionately,

Together as one.

You love me

To the depths of the sea

And I love you

To the reaches of outer space.

We yell and fight,

We bicker and cry,

But that is no matter,

Our love is a never ceasing fire.

I am yours

And you are mine.

Through thick and thin

Our souls unite.

Is it spring time yet?

Almost. I wish time would speed up and then stop in summer. I would be happy with that. Well since I have zero control over this weather I will just share my stories with you. Enjoy!

22 February 2014

The Wind

If you listen closely the wind tells many stories. It whispers in your ear all that it hears throughout its journey on land and sea. The wind tells tales of lovers found and love soured. There are tales of sweet kisses and tears shed. Dogs bark with playful owners and leaves dance around to the amusement of children. The wind tells us all of this.

The wind tells us of destruction and chaos. Fires set ablaze and dance to the rhythmic tunes of the frightful wind. Fences fall down and roofs tiles get swept away. Out on the high seas, the wind tells us of lone fishermen making money for their families. We hear of pirates getting blasted away by ferocious waves. The wind tells of dolphins putting on a show for all the happy folks on cruises.

Yes, the wind tells the story of all of us. It shares our joy and shame. The wind spreads the word to all the world that we are not alone. The wind sings its song of life into the ears of anyone who will listen, carrying our hopes and fears along its cool breeze. Sometimes it is harsh, sometimes it is soothing but listen closely because it is always talking.

23 February 2014

The Sparrow and the Beetle

Sparrow and beetle lived different lives. Sparrow flew the warm, crisp skies and beetle had to survive on the ground. One day, sparrow and beetle met for the first time. Sparrow was on the patio of an animal lover in the neighborhood who loved feeding the birds. Sparrow was eating some tasty seeds when beetle walked across the patio and passed sparrow.

“Why hello little beetle! Is this not such a lovely day! There are so few clouds, the sun is warm and the cool breeze is just so delightful! Wouldn't you say so?” chirped sparrow with all the delight from the day.

“The day is warm sparrow but lovely is never a term I use to described this harsh world,” beetle was disturbed by sparrow's joy.

“Oh beetle how could you feel so horribly about this day?” asked sparrow with as much confusion as he could muster, “each day when I fly through the air I see all the green grass and pretty, colorful flowers. People and houses look like ants and buzz around like happy little bees! The world is so bright and when it does get cold, I have my family and nest to keep me warm. How could the world possibly be a bad place?”

“Well sparrow your life sounds mystical. Everyday I wake up and have to run around this person's yard to find food and shelter to survive. No matter what I do, it is always an uphill battle. I am being stalked daily by cats and birds so large they even dwarf you. It takes me an entire day to walk across the yard and back home. Work is all I do and there is no time to play. This world is not as beautiful as you think,” huffed beetle to the now sad sparrow.

Sparrow's little heart was in shambles. How could the world be such an awful place when all he saw was wonder and grace? That is when sparrow came up with an idea to help beetle but it would take a couple of days.

“Sad beetle I have an idea to help you and your family. Other bugs don't seem so unhappy with life but you make my heart so broken. May I come see you in 3 days with my new idea?” asked sparrow.

“I suppose that should be okay. I will be back here at midday in 3 days to see what you have to offer for me. Good day sparrow,” replied beetle as he sulked off with some seeds.

Sparrow flew off, hopeful that his plan should work. He flew around that day looking for the best spiders, ants and caterpillars so he could commission saddles to be made for his and his family's backs. He then got his family together and made an intricate home for the beetle at the base of sparrow's tree. Within 3 days everything was put together. Sparrow met with beetle and told beetle to collect his whole family and to meet him back there once he was done.

“Okay sparrow, we are all here, now what is all this nonsense? We have so much to do today and you are disrupting our day,” beetle said.

“Oh sweet beetle, have I the surprise for you!” with a chirp, all of sparrow's family flew down, “you see I wanted you to see that the world is a happy place. I made saddles for you and your family so that you could ride on our backs while we flew the blue skies! You deserve ease and grace. When you aren't flying us, we will take any small creature for rides so they too can share our joy. We also made you a new home at the base of our tree so that we can become friends and help your family. Now beetle, would you and your family like to see our world?”

“Wow... kind sparrow... I... I don't know what to say,” beetle had never been treated so well by anything, especially a bird.

“Well come on beetle, grab your clan!” with that sparrow and his family showed the beetle family what a beautiful world they live in. Beetle was certainly impressed with the movement on the ground he had never seen before. Beetle felt so grand for once in his life and didn't feel so little or helpless. He now had a happy home and a new friend. That day morphed his view on the world forever all thanks to a little change of perspective from a blissful bird.

Sushi, Crab Legs and Creme Brulee, What More Could a Girl Want?

Today my little brother is taking me to Sushi at our favorite place, Mr. Sushi. They have excellent sushi and the staff is incredibly nice. I have never once had a problem or gotten sick from eating there! Later to night, after Nakita gets off work, we are heading up the hill to have an all you can eat crab legs dinner at Ameristar! Not only is that fantastic but they also make delicious creme brulee. Plus it is a good excuse to dress cute and eat as much good food as possible, like any real American!

Today is a lovely day so read my stories and then go out and have some fun before the wind picks up again and takes us all away!

20 February 2014

Pickles and Milk

My great Oma was a kind and loving woman. We loved going to her house because she would give us a piece of candy the moment we entered the front door. She would take us out back to smell her beautiful roses ad play with her sweet dog. Her house always had this specific smell that I can't describe but every time I catch a whiff of it I feel like I am at home.

Whenever we went over there, she would insist that we drink milk. I still remember those cups. They were the small plastic 70's style ones. The only problem with being made to drink a glass of milk was he fact that I hated milk. I absolutely hated milk and would gag when I had to drink it. My wonderful great Oma , who had a solution for everything, had a solution for my problem. With my glass of milk I got a pickle. Now to most of you that is unimportant or even disgusting. My favorite thing in the world used to be dill pickles.

If I remember correctly, she always had the Mt. Olive pickles. I will never forget the look of that jar. She would tell me, in her sweet German accent, that I could have the pickle with my milk if I drank all of my milk. If I didn't drink my milk I couldn't have my pickle next time. I still didn't like milk but I did NOT want to drink my milk. Being a smart child I found my own solution. I bit into my pickle and squeezed pickle juice into my milk. As soon as my milk was yellowish color, I knew it was safe enough to drink. Right now, that actually churns my stomach but as a kid I loved it! Plus it got me to drink my milk!

This is my favorite memory of a woman that I only knew for my short childhood. She passed away when Christian was just a a little baby so I was about 8. I only have select memories of her and they are all so wonderful. She never once said anything about me drinking my pickled milk because at least I was drinking the milk. I miss my great Oma everyday and cherish these stories of my time with her.

21 February 2014

The Story Is Yours

History is written by the victors.

Will you fail

To have your story told

Or will you be victorious?

Shall you be a stone,

Slowly or not at all breaking down

Or will you be a snowflake,

Melting quickly in a fleeting moment?

How will your story be told

To all the world and its listeners?

Speak it loud, speak it proud,

Or speak it not at all, the choice is yours.