I'm back!

It has been a VERY long 3 1/2 months. So much has happened and I have failed to update my blog about it all. As Scott has said to me, I have managed to completely bury one hatchet only to uncover another. I find it hurtful when people cannot be supportive during a time of grieving but I love my family and I will always be there for the ones who lost the most, Karen, Scott and Amanda. 

Since May, I have visited Nakita in Virginia Beach With Krysta. It was an awesome trip and we got to see dolphins on a dolphin sighting tour! It was incredible! We spent plenty of time on the beach and drank a little too much a couple nights (we can blame Target for having an entire aisle dedicated to wine with a buy 6 deal). After Virginia, I came back and got tattoos with Karen, Misty, Scott and Amanda. Technically, Scott got a tattoo after his mother but only by about an hour :) 

We spent lots of time enjoying Colorado, playing with the baby I watch, Axel, going to Rockies games, brewing beer, having BBQs, spending time with friends, and all around trying to find the beauty in life again. I got to see Nikki and Ava. Scott and I took Nikki to see Say Anything a week after we had already seen them in Denver! It made up for missing them twice last year. Scott and i played on the beach and watched the sun set. We even got to go camping this summer! Racing has been the hardest but this was a great final season, even if we only got in a couple of races thanks to Colorado's unpredictable weather.

I would have to say the most eventful thing that happened all summer would have to be my mom getting married. My brother Darren and I were able to surprise her in Vegas and it was an excellent trip! She looked absolutely beautiful and I am very happy with her new husband. He fits in with our family very well. 

I hope everyone is having a good summer! Please enjoy the first piece of writing I have done since Ken passed and my pictures of this summer. It is a new normal now but I am happy to be back.

The Medici Fountain

The sun was making its way towards kissing the horizon. A pink glow had settled in the Luxembourg Gardens and the quiet buzz of Paris was coming alive as Parisians walked home from a busy day at work. Sophie sat by the Medici Fountain awaiting her beloved Marcel. She couldn't wait to tell him about her promotion. She was getting her own office and her own staff for the magazine. It is what she had always dreamed of. She knew Marcel would be thrilled with her newest achievement; his father was a journalist from London and was experienced with how cutthroat her field could be.

As she waited, a slight breeze swept by shaking the ivy around the dark yet romantic fountain. Sophie gazed up the reflective pond leading to the statues of Acis, Galatea and the giant, Polyphemus. She imagined the heartache Galatea felt after Polyphemus murdered her sweetheart with a crushing blow of a boulder. She found comfort in knowing Acis was turned into a river to live on forever by Galatea, but the sadness of the destruction and suffering looming over the scene before her left a shadow on the serenity it portrayed. She ignored the threatening giant and focused on the intimacy of the lovers below him. Entwined in an embrace only those who have loved before could comprehend. As she smiled at her own daydreams she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to see Marcel.

“Marcel!” she jumped up, draping her slender arms around his neck, hugging him with affection and tenderness.

“How are you Sophie?” he asked, quite formally. She pondered what this meant but quickly shoved it from her mind.

“I am wonderful mon amour! I got the promotion I wanted!” She excitedly told him about her new office, her new staff and her new responsibilities. As she chattered away her joyous news she noticed Marcel wasn't smiling. She had just given him the best news she could at this moment and he seemed indifferent to it.

“Isn't that such great news? Let's go to Les Deux Magots to celebrate!”

“Yes, that is great but maybe another night?”

“What is wrong Marcel?” a tinge of irritation creeping into her question.

“Sophie,” he breathed out her name like he was unburdening it from his lips, “my mother is leaving my father and moving back to her family home in Avignon.”

She felt like the wind had knocked her feet out from under her. His parents were the epitome of love and solidarity. She simply could not imagine one without the other.

“Oh my darling, how awful! What happened?” she asked moving towards him but her stepped away.

“She fell in love with someone else from her childhood. My father is already on his way back to London to be with his family. Sophie, I am moving with her.”

If she had felt like her feet had been kicked out from under her before, this certainly left her feeling like a solid fist had made impact with her stomach. Her world came hurtling to a stop. Confusion and resentment began to boil inside of her.

“But Marcel, I cannot go with you. I just got this promotion. It is my dream,” she pleaded with him.

“I know, I do not intend for you to come with me. Sophie, I do not love you. This is not fair to you. I don't think I ever did love you. I felt great admiration for you and I deeply desired to love you but I just couldn't. You aren't the one for me and this situation with my parents made me see that more clearly. I am sorry if I hurt you.”

Sophie felt like Acis and Marcel's words were Polyphemus' boulder; she was crushed and on the verge of being left in a river of her own tears. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, not allowing Marcel to see the pain she was shielding behind her quick smile as she opened her eyes again.

“Well Marcel, I am very sad for your poor father. I know he adored your mother. I hope you find all the happiness in the world in Avignon. Please let me know when you have settled and how your mother is doing. I must go, I just remembered I need to write out some requests for my new assistant. Adieu Marcel, adieu.” With a single kiss to the cheek, she left Marcel and the turbulent fountain scene behind her.

Paris is a city full of love. From the architecture to the pretty floral arrangements in windows to the people on the streets, everywhere there is love. Sophie didn't feel distressed by all of the blatant expressions of ardor around her, instead it gave her hope. Unfortunately, this did nothing to lessen the grief growing in her heart each step she took away from Marcel. When she finally made it to the apartment they shared and noticed he had already removed all of his belongings only then did she allow the anguish to over come her. Sobbing by the window, looking out at a picturesque view of the Eiffel Tower and busy strangers below, her tears pounded the window sill she sat in until the sky seemed to have some sympathy and begin to cry with her. Rain in Paris creates an even more striking scene which seemed to calm her a bit. As she quietly wept at her life being torn apart her little black cat hopped in her lap and demanded all of her attention.

“Oh hello Monsieur Chat,” Sophie, the writer, had named their cat. She thought it fit him quite well, “I see he left you to be with me. At least I am not alone. I shall thank Paris, and you, for being gloomy with me tonight.” Sophie would allow herself to be heartbroken for the time being but knew she would need to pull herself up for her new position, “Tomorrow. Monsieur Chat, we are going to find a new home, a fresh start. Marcel may not have ever loved me but I know you absolutely must!”

She kissed her black cat on his head and eventually fell asleep watching the lights twinkle on the Eiffel Tower. Misery keeping her awake until the resilient angels of exhaustion carried her away where she would dream of Marcel knowing he would not lose sleep over her. The statues at the Medici Fountain seemed to predict her fate this day but she knew, deep down, life was not simply a scene from a Greek tragedy, especially not in Paris.