Anger and moving on without it.

In my life I have noticed that there have been many times I have let my anger rule how I live my life. I have so much happiness and joy yet I cannot seem to let go of the hurt and pain others have caused me. There are a couple of people who are no longer a part of my life. They have used me, manipulated me and worst of all I allowed them to hurt me more than once. As much as I have pushed them out, they still tend to rear their ugly heads like adolescent acne.

Most people would let those people go. Cut them out. I can't. I let them live in my head rent free. I know I shouldn't but the reality is that I don't really like myself all that much all the time. So to me, when people are cruel to me, I feel like I am validated in how I feel about myself. If I don't like me, then of course they don't like me or treat me properly. I sometimes act out my anger and take it out those closest to me.

This is all unfair and also widely unknown to those around me. There are about 4 people who get to see me rage and somehow they still love me anyway. Going to a therapist has helped me to be honest about who I am. Right now I am an angry and sad person on nearly a daily basis. I am learning how to enjoy life and all that I have been blessed with and it is not easy. I hold onto scars but I am learning to let them go.

Normally I wouldn't talk about my trials and tribulations, especially to strangers. I don't like people knowing I am weak. I put on a strong face but it is really just a mask to a somewhat damaged person. Opening up about it helps me be stronger and it also helps me realize that, even though some may not like me, many do like me. I need to learn to like myself because the people around me deserve it and so do I.

Well enough about me being me. Here is the post for the day.

26 March 2014

The Prince and Princess

There once was a prince who met an orphaned princess. He fell in love with her and took her home. She didn't have much in the way of family, her father had left their kingdom in shambles, but she had a loving mother and two devoted brothers. He married her and gave her more family to love. Such a joyous event and a joyous crowd.

He gave her a nice castle and things she had never dreamed of. They were a match made in heaven, it was such a delight. She was a lovely addition, he was proud of his new wife. She was loved by most but not everyone cared for the new princess. Her blond hair and green eyes were beloved by the prince. Her elegance and graced impressed many, yet envy would try to destroy their love.

Lucky for all, the prince vanquished the evil. He stood by his princess and cut down the envious beasts. Parades were in order and joy was brought back to the kingdom. The prince and his princess were happy again. Forever in love, they lived happily ever after.

27 March 2014

The Beach

The sun beat down on her. Its rays kissed her cheeks and gently pushed her towards the surf. She stood on the edge of the waves and just before she ran in, she dug her toes into the cool sand. She squeezed the sand between each toe and dashed for the waves like she was winning a race. The first couple of waves she jumped over until they were too big to jump. The waved crashed into her and sent chills up her spine. The cold Pacific waters were the perfect chill down for the humid summer air. Another wave was approaching so she dove under it, cutting through the water like the fish she wished she was. The salty water stung her eyes but refreshed her soul. The drying seaweed, dead fish on the beach and salt in the air made her feel alive again. If she could bottle that essence she would be happy for the rest of her life. She took in one more big huff of air and dove back under the water. The beach is where she belongs and the beach is where she will spend the rest of the day flocking with the birds and swimming like the dolphins.